“Target is an equal opportunity employer.”

It’s done. It’s over. School is out.
I’ve never been happier.
Wait, that’s a lie. I have.
But only once.

It was so weird walking out of Rosie’s room knowing that it was the LAST time I’d ever have to set foot through the door against my own free will.
It was nice.
Don’t forget the burning party is tonight people!
Ok-

With that said, it is now time for the First Annual Stefi Awards.
Your host this year, NCHS’s favorite Blogger herself, Stephanie Sparer.

Our first category is my personal favorite:
Best Rumor about me that wasn’t true-
“Stephanie gets a lot of guys.”
Although extremely short lived, this was my very favorite rumor.

Worst rumor about me
That I’m in IB.
Scary dude.. I’m barely smart enough to be in AP.

Most Embarrassing Moment of Sophomore year
There are too many to pick. Never mind. We’ll skip that category.

Best Rosie Moment
TIE
Its between me cutting her off yesterday morning before the final when she was about to tell me off-
Rosie: ::Walking up to me completely irritated:: “EsStephanie! (my new nick name) I don’t have-”
Stefi: ::said with attitude:: “I brought it [bitch].” ::hands over Chem Book::
Rosie: ::completely disappointed:: “Oh.. ok.. Great…”
Stefi: “You didn’t think I’d burn it, did you?”

And her Opinion Essay Harangue (go me and the use of vocabulary words). Good times.. good times.. and remember kids: don’t try the extra credit. Just don’t do it…

Favorite Teacher(s)
TIE
Sandberg, Bush, and Sturgell.
In the end, I loved them all.

Worst Teacher
Not that you all had to sit and ponder…
Rosenberg.
Yes.. she could be nice.. she could be cool.. but when it all came down to it.. I still didn’t like her.


Worst Blog Spawn
We can’t all be as good as my blog.. Although, many.. actually, quite a lot of you people tried..
In the end, I narrowed it down to two blogs that I concluded were totally unreadable.
Thomas (www.thecub.blogspot.com)- I sum this blog up in one word.
No.
He should have kept it closed. Why make a bad thing worse I ask you?
Here’s a sample of his blog:
“ Tuesday, May 20, 2003 :::
Well people are really stupid. I have already known this, but I have just confirmed my first suspicions. So everyone we are studying for finals everyday this week at the library. Come one come all. It is right after school or from about 6 to 5 at the library right by PVCC. We got quite a lot done today. We did much of the chem study guide for the test on Friday and we started the study guide for the final. Tomorrow I think we are going to tackle econ. and possiblie english. School sucked and the titration lab went quite awry. I am so sick of school now. The people, the work, and the tests. You know for onec I wich people wouldn't be so fake. I don't think there has been anyone but one person who has always been true to me. For this reason I will always stand by her. Me so tired . See you wiggas tomorrow.

::: posted by Thomas at 10:04 PM ”
© 2003 http://www.thecub.blogspot.com

Ben G(r)ay-(www.bengray.blogspot.com)
Thankfully, he forgot about his blog and stopped writing.. Here’s a sample of what we’re not missing:

“ Friday, October 18, 2002
andrew is an ass...i j/ changed my password..it is actually a funny password...stefi should read my blog... ”
©2002 http://www.bengray.blogspot.com

Best Non-Rosie Teacher Moment
FEMALE: Sandberg saying ‘sex’ instead of ‘success’. I don’t think she’s ever going to live that down.

MALE: Mr. Bush pretending to be drunk for improv in our drama class. I never looked at that man the same way after that day. I mean.. he licked the bottom of Rick Wood’s shoe..

Weirdest Sophomore Boy
Daniel Thai.
He’s not really a boy.. he’s like a machine. I swear.

Weirdest Sophomore Girl (other than me)
Erin Smith.

Winner of the Jenna Stokes Best Hair Color That’s Not Dyed Award
Jenna Stokes.
Shocker! I know.

Best Locker Award
MALE: Matt MacDonald. The picture of my dog.. the drawing of me.. The naked Barbie and the naked puppet.. Come on. He even named it. Plus, it was a top locker.. so, that rules every sophomore male out right away.

FEMALE: Me. Duh. Ok.. so it wasn’t the cleanest locker… but it still was the coolest. That Britney masturbating picture? That was brilliant. Admit it. You wanted it in your locker.

Best New Hair Award
Matt MacDonald with his Hugh Grant- I did my hair to make it look like I didn’t do my hair- hair style. All guys should do their hair like that.

Winner of the Good Riddance Award
Here is the time when we look back at people who left our school… and decide whether or not we miss them.

That Josh kid. Does anyone miss him? I certainly don’t. He is our winner this year. Congratulations Josh.

And now, a special presentation from Matthew MacDonald with a few awards of his own-
The Matthew MacDonald Award for Best Teeth
Mrs. Rosenberg (perhaps there was a French judge?)


Best Suicide Note
Mandi

RUNNER UP: Shelby

Most Possible QOTD remarks that I didn't remember
David Lorenzi
The guy is so funny. He says 90000 funny things in a minute. Its impossible to remember them all.


That’s all for this years awards. Congratulations to all the winners.


For those of you coming to the Burning Party- I’ll see you later.

Quote of the day:
Tristan: “I like where I work because its right by this little store called Tokyo that has a bunch of Japanese imports and Japanese food and stuff.”
Stefi: “Oh, because by Tokyo I thought you meant French food and imports.
Mr. Bush: “Have you met Stephanie? She’s the one with ‘witty smart-ass’ underneath her name in the year book.”
Stefi: “Awww, thanks Mr. Bush! That means a lot coming from you.”

"I am emulsifying!"

Ladies and Gentlemen;
Without further adieu, I bring to you--

THE BURNING PARTY PLANS

FRIDAY MAY 30TH:

Materials: Anything Chemistry related.
Notebooks
Notes
Homework
Labs
Goggles
Stolen flasks…


Procedure:
1. Bring anyone who wants to come who has had Rosenberg and any chemistry related materials that you wish to burn in an extravagant fashion.
2. Drive to Stephanie Brown's house (contact her for the address)
3. Show up at 8 pm!!!


Data:
Special Thanks to:
Stephanie Brown
Mr. And Mrs. Brown
Stephanie Sparer

Conclusion:
If you have any questions contact Stephanie Sparer or Stephanie Brown.

Now.. the blog version isn't as cool as the actual invitation (which I made to look like a lab straight from Rosenberg's desk.. ya know, minus the picture I made in photoshop of her burning that I have at the top..)

Okie dokie.
Carry on with the studying.

Quote of the day:
Stephanie Brown: does someone have like an old oil barrel?
Stephanie Brown: like those metal ones?
Stefi Sparer: Yea, I just happen to keep a spare one in my back yard…
Stephanie Brown: because that could be a possibility
-- Stephanie Brown getting excited over the burning party.

A note for the wise....

If you steal from my blog, I will fucking find out.

That is all.
I'll update later.

“I am begging you to take a shower.”

I get a lot of e-mail.
Mostly junk mail and hate letters.. but a lot of e-mail.
I’d like to share with you some of those e-mails, so I’m gonna open up the StefiSpice Mail Bag.

Never before seen.
This is a brand new segment.
Tell me how it goes.
I have nothing better to offer you guys at the moment.

The following are actual letters from actual readers.



LETTER NUMBER ONE:

Subj: Blog/ Burning Party
Date: 5/25/2003 9:54:26 PM US Mountain Standard Time
From: -----
To: stefispice@aol.com

I really think your blog is awesome, and I hope you take photo's of your burning party, and explain the ritual in detail and depth!

I have started a blog, you can look at it, if you like.
http://iceclub.blogpspot.com


REPLY:
Dear unknown Blog Reader,
Thank you for writing to me about how wonderful my blog is, which in turn is really a compliment telling me how fantastic I am. Believe me, this is something I have heard many a time. Of course I will take not only an in depth account of my burning party.. but I’ll also explain the ritual in full detail. Surely, having depth without detail would be completely pointless. Pictures (and video) will be a must, considering my access to both a fabulous digital camcorder I adorned with the name Cameron, and a lovely digital camera I call Leroy (both Canons.).

I tried to go to your little iceclub blog, but unfortunately, your link did not work. A small tear almost escaped my left eye, but I was quickly distracted by the Justin Timberlake video that was on the television at the time, completely wiping my mind of any conscious memory that I had tried to read your blog. My deepest apologies, and a suggestion that you might want to get that link fixed.

Warm regards,
Stefi



LETTER NUMBER TWO:
From : ----
To :
stefispice@hotmail.com
Subject :
your letter
Date :
Mon, 26 May 2003 06:32:58 +0000


Stefi Sprrrrr,
We've known each other for what, 6 months now? I think we know each other well enough now, I need to clear the air about something. Ever since I gazed into your eyes that first chemistry class on August 18th, 2002, I never felt the same. I knew you were the one for me, every thing about you was just so perfect, the way your hair fell on your face, the graceful way you walked into Chemistry class and brushed off Rosenberg with a mere shrug of the shoulders. You are so beautiful, and I muster up the courage tonight to say it to you. I'm sure some eloquence is repressed by the constraints of an email, but my love for you is strong, and I hope yours is the same for me. Stephanie Tara Sparer, will you marry me? I will sit tonight gazing at the computer screen lovingly awaiting your reply.
With Love,
Stephanie Brrrwn

P.S. I am not a lesbian.


REPLY:
Dear Stephanie Brrrwn,
No, I will not marry you. If I wasn’t a totally nice person, I’d probably take out a restraining order like I did with this kid Devon. My hair does fall nicely though, thanks. I agree with you on that. I hope we can still be friends and that I don’t hurt the friendship by not marrying you.

Fondly,
Stefi

p.s. If you’re not a lesbian.. are you just confused? There are counselors at our school that can help you. See you in Chem!



LETTER NUMBER THREE
Subj:
Date: 5/24/2003 8:56:57 AM US Mountain Standard Time
From: -------
To: StefiSpice



Dear Stef Can you e-mail me? What are you doing today? See you in school okay. Buy. Hannah


REPLY:
Dear Hannah,
Who are you? Why have you e-mailed me? You frighten me. I don’t know you. I’m not doing anything today. What are you doing? Where in school will I see you? I don’t know a Hannah. Well, I used to, but I think her head fell off (it was too big and heavy) so I haven’t really seen her since October. You used the wrong ‘bye’. What grade are you in? Do you honestly know me? I usually don’t hang around stupid people.. with a few exceptions…. But Amanda has money.. so that usually makes up for it…Just kidding, Amanda. Why do you want me to e-mail you? Do you like Kit Kats? They are my favorite. I heard there are giant ones, this may be a myth.. however, my mother said she has actually seen one. I plan to find one before the summer is over. Have you ever seen one? If so, could you send me a picture of it?

Buy,
Stefi


LETTER NUMBER FOUR
Subj: (no subject)
Date: 5/15/2003 09:23:53 AM US Mountain Standard Time
From: -------
To: StefiSpice



hey bitch
your blog sucks! i only read it b/c I have nothing better to do.
im gping to tell your school about the “blog” and get them to kick you out stupid bitch!
Have fun in jail!!!!!!!!!

REPLY:
Dear Blog Reader,
Okay.

Love,
Stefi


And finally..
LETTER NUMBER FIVE
Subj: Hey, nice blog!
Date: 5/25/2003 8:41:30 AM US Mountain Standard Time
From: -----
To: StefiSpice


Hot COllege Girls!
Hot.. young college girls.. on live webcams.. 24/7/365! New girls almost daily.. loosing their virginity for everyone to see live! Get FREE access with your VIP pass!
CLICK HERE FOR A FREE INSTANT ACCESS!





To find out more information how you may contact us.. or to be removed from our mailing list, Click Here


REPLY:
Dear Hot College Girl,
No, thank you. However, you may want to contact Stephanie Brrrwn at Severin_Awaits@hotmail.com. She may appreciate this E-mail more than I. Thank you for reading my blog.

Yours,
Stefi


That's about it....
My day was uneventful.

Quote of the day:
Sadly.. none.
There is no quote.
I'm tired. I can't think of one.

“You just killed Daniel Thai.”

Let’s see.. what am I not sick of right now?

I think this combination of not sleeping, stress, PMS, and studying has left me completely drained and hating well, pretty much, um, everyone.

Went to Desert Ridge last night even though I wasn’t really feeling up to it. I ended up having a good time though. Bought some shirts and had a PG time. Nothing scandalous happened.

Took my chemistry test on Friday. I studied but I’m not going to cry when I get back my D-. Thankfully, I only have one more chemistry test left to fail;
The final.

My cousin Alison informed me that even after high school, your chemistry teachers can haunt you. Apparently, she saw her 11th grade Chem teacher and he hassled her about her grades from back then. She’s just finished her Sophomore year in college.. and her Chem teacher is talking about her junior year of HS. I can see Rosie doing that..
“Oh…. Your minor is journalism? Funny because you NEVER wrote a single decent essay in my class... Remember, you MUST USE PRONOUNS! Do your professors tell you that? They should.”

Yea……. Ok.. Rosie. Whatever you say… I forgot I can’t write a fucking essay.. you know, considering I’m in AP English and everything.

I still can’t get over how she marks down the OPINION essays if they don’t agree with her thoughts. Wow, I hate her.

“I love all of my students!” Rosenberg says..
Yes, that’s true.. as long as their names are Robert Gibboni III or Omaya Ahmad.
You can tell she has some serious issues with some of her students.
Can someone in second hour tell me if she’s ever been nice to Amory?
She hasn’t.
She hasn’t even been all that nice to me and I’m Jewish. I thought that would help, but she probably thinks I’m some disgrace to the religion since I can’t comprehend electron configurations.

Only three more days.. two more Chem classes.. I made it this far. I can do it.

I broke a pair of my glasses today. Like, twenty minutes ago actually. I don’t even know what I did. I was taking them off and the arm snapped off. It can probably be fixed, but cranking nonetheless. My mom will throw a fit, but the glasses are old anyway. I’ve had them since 8th grade.
Ok, that’s not that old.. but its not like they’re brand new.

Anyway, while I was supposed to be doing my mathematic homework, I started thinking instead about ugly people VS pretty people in society.
Think about this. It makes sense.
For instance; You’re in an elevator.
A good looking guy nods and smiles to you. You smile back and think to yourself, “Oh wow. What a nice guy.”

You get an ugly guy doing that to you and you just think to yourself, “What the fuck does he want?”

Ugly people just don’t get treated the same way as pretty people do. I call this The Land of the Pretty People Theory.

Its true though and don’t feel bad about thinking that way, because everyone does it. Its just if you justify those feelings that its wrong. Think that.. that’s fine, but don’t act on it.
People do anyway though. Its not right, but it happens. People are so shallow.
Now, I know this looks like a promo for Shallow Hal, but its not. Its just that looking good is such a big deal in society. I don’t care who says otherwise.
“Personality is important too!” Yea, it is. It is important, don’t get me wrong.. but even if you’re the nicest fat kid in the world, the thin hot asshole guy in your geometry class is still gonna get more action than you. He’s still gonna get that bonus from his female boss at the DQ and you’re not. Sorry, that’s life. Its true and its so sad. The bitch with the huge boobs? Sure, she’ll have had two abortions by the age of 17, but she still gets into that club free every week because the bouncer has this idea in his head that he’s gonna get with her. Fat girl in line behind her? You better have the time to wait. I hope you brought your game boy and a hot pocket. Its gonna be a while.

Ok, that’s my rant of the day.

I’ll try to blog tomorrow.

Quote of the day:
“Dude, his mom was like.. a mega, mega Christian!”
-- Some eighth grade kid while walking into Barnes and Noble with his friends Friday night.

I was supposed to have a really funny quote from Jenna, but I accidentally lost the conversation it was in, and it was so good that I can't recreate it. I'm sorry Jenna.

“I thought it was a myth.”

Not much of an update today.. Nothing really happened.

I’m so tired of school.
Rosie is giving us one last Chemistry test Friday before the final next week.
Do you know how nice it will be not to be in her class next year? Once I’m out of there I will feel so much better.
That is unless I fail and am forced to retake the class.. then I won’t feel better…
But let’s pretend all goes well (and please g0d it will). I just know that the last time I walk out of that classroom will be the most amazing 25 seconds of my life (so far.). Remember last year how everyone was like “Oh we survived Moline!” ? Yea, well, this year we’re actually throwing Burning Parties so we can burn all of our Chem stuff. Now, personally, I can’t wait. This is because I’m not Daniel Thai.

We had our last lab in Chem today. This hardly upset me. I chewed gum the entire hour too, just to spite Rosie in my own little way.
“Stephanie, are you chewing gum?” She eyed me and tapped her jaw in that most annoying manner she’s made infamous and has been imitated by a countless number of IB and AP students since August. (wow, that was a long sentence.)
“Um, no?” I answered.
“Ok.” She moved on.

In World History a bunch of people brought in food for their presentations.
There’s just something magical about sitting in class eating flan.
I can’t quite put my finger on it.. but it’s a rush.

Backtracking to yesterday,
I did my 50 minute big ass end of the year extravaganza showcase in drama with Sailor Erin, Nikki, Chris, and Preston.
Not to totally brag or anything… but we did such a fucking fantastic job.
I was so proud.
Primarily for myself.. but the others too.. yea, them too..
We really came together and not to put everyone else in my drama class down or anything.. but.. ours is the best.
Our sets were great, our script actually made sense.. That’s a big deal.
Now you’d think, being in high school and everything, that people could write decent scripts that made sense, but apparently, that’s not the case.
Ours made sense though and we did well and that’s all that matters.

Today I had to sit through an entire 50 minutes of .. well, I don’t really know what to call it… but Group 2 from Drama put it on.
I kind of spaced out anyway and started to think of naughty things.
I mean.. not naughty things.. since my mom reads this blog now.
I meant puppies.
Yea, that’s it.
I started thinking about puppies.

Anyway…
Off I go.

Quote of the day:
None yet.. Check back later tonight.

“You’d think they’d get them some new sweaters or something.”

Why is it always the last two weeks of school that are the most stressful? Its like, teachers forget all of this stuff we have to do and they’re like “Oo if you could just do about eight projects by Monday, that’d be great.”

Thanks anyway.
But here I am taking a break from my homework to write a little.

Umm.. let’s see
Well, it’s the same old same old back at NCHS.
If you’re following Priya’s countdown, we only have 8 days left not counting the half day on Friday that nobody is going to.
I actually wanted to go just so I could ditch Chem without feeling guilty.
But my mom insisted that she should just call me in.

Speaking of Rosenbitch, she somehow managed yet again to tie chemistry in with her Judaism. Bitter bases to the bitter herbs of Passover.
Its amazing how she finds these connections.
I’m surprised she doesn’t have some story about the beginning of chemistry and how it actually originated through Chanukah.

“You think it was some miracle that the candles lasted eight days? NO! It was because of Shlomo Moscovitz! He mixed kerosene oil with sodium thisophophalmeoxomate two and the candles lasted actually 14 days but for religious purposes we just say eight. AND THERE’S NO REASON TO GET GIFTS DURING CHANUKAH! But this is why Chemistry and Chanukah both begin with Ch’s as well. Learn something new every day. Stephanie, are you chewing gum?”

Friday I saw the Matrix… and Rachel Cruz. I got to ignore her, so that was fun.
“Ummm.. Stephanie?” She came up to me while I was in the middle of talking to Andrew.
“Yea?” I asked, completely annoyed
“I uh….” she was taking too long.
“Andrew, are you sure there aren’t any seats up there?” I continued my conversation with him as we both looked for better seats in the theatre.
“Positive.” He replied.
“Please go look.”
“OK,” he sauntered off.
“I umm… just wanted to say hi….” Rachel said quietly.
I turned to face her and her bad hair, “Hi.”
Andrew came back, “There aren’t any seats.”
Rachel stood there awkwardly (oh, when isn’t she awkward?) for a few moments before she said, “Well, ok.. bye.”
“Bye.” I barely acknowledged her.
For eight years she was nothing but a bitch to me. I’m not about to be nice again.
Saturday, when I was supposed to be doing more HW, I instead spent the latter part of my day with Matt, my mother, and my sister at the movies.

We saw A Mighty Wind and The Matrix.
Yea, I saw the Matrix twice.
No, this doesn’t make me a trekkie or a freak.. or whatever.
No, I will not start reading Sci-fi books.
Keanu Reeves is hot, even in a dress.

Not that he wears a dress in the movie, its actually a duster.. and he’s so cool it wouldn’t matter anyway.

Went over to Sailor Erin’s today with Nikki.. that was fun.
We did practically nothing.
Three hours of my life I’ll never get back.

And now I get to do more work.
My life is spectacular.

Quote of the day:
Rosie: Drinking too much vinegar can upset your stomach.”
Steph: “So can drinking too much urine.”
-- Stephanie M. to Rosie

"Thank you for not being Satan’s assistant.”

I’ve been told by multiple people to blog because they’ve read the rules at least 90 times now and can recite them by heart. I don’t see what’s wrong about knowing the rules by heart. Anyway, I figured I might as well blog anyway.. I haven’t since Saturday.

Not much has happened.
I came up with yet, another theory.
This is called The Cindy Theory.

THE CINDY THEORY
If you are not a good public speaker and you can't speak well to begin with; IE- form your words correctly- then chances are you probably can't kiss that well either. Think about it. It makes sense. You’re using most of the same muscles to speak when you kiss.
If you can't say Cindy, chances are you can't make out really well either.

Yea, so, that’s my theory.

My day was boring..
Honestly. There’s nothing to write.
I’m so tired.

Quote of the Day:
Matt: its not that im too hard
Matt: its that
Matt: hes very sensitive
Matt: he likes to be wined and dined
Matt: and frankly
Matt: im in it just for the action
Matt: and he gets hurt by it
Matt: im too rough for him sometimes
-- Matt once again.. saving me with a QOTD

"Stop fondling them!"

The last few days have been long and boring, so Matt and I made a list of AIM rules for the General Public's use.
You see, we're both on AIM so much that we actually felt that there was a great need for this list. These are rules that everyone really should follow.
Yes, even you Shelby.

These rules were compiled by Matt and Stefi and are designed to ensure the best possible experience on AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) for all parties involved. They are meant to be a guideline for which all users are to follow to prevent frustrations, mocking sessions, and tears. Follow these simple tips and you will never have a problem.

# 1. Greetings are not optional
Every AIM conversation, no matter how stressed/upset/tired/pissed off must begin with a "hello, how are you, how was your day" or something similar.
All IM's that begin with "HELP!!!" or "I fucking hate my parents" or "My day totally sucked." will and should be promptly ignored and your buddy will most likely block you.
There are some exceptions, such as a jovial opener-
Like, if you IM me something that doesn't have to do with
· Your day sucking
· Your parents, or
· Needing help
Then it’s ok, as long as long as there is no complaining, or needing of anything, and afterwards you say, “How are you?”

EXCEPTIONS:
Jokes or a funny anecdote or other such items are appropriate substitutes for the beginning of a conversation, but not ‘ur mom’ jokes.
By jokes we mean funny stuff, not something we’ll make fun of you for.

# 2. If over 80% of your time online is spent with an away message up, there is a problem. If your not gonna be there, why bother signing on? Honestly.

#3. You must be online for ten minutes before putting up an away message or becoming idle.

#4. If you think you’re going to be idle, put up a damn away message. Don’t let your name go grey without an away message.

#5. You cannot put an away message up for every minute detail of your life. "I am eating." followed by "I am cleaning up after eating." followed by "I am shitting out what I just ate." is not acceptable. Or also "I am blinking." or "I just blinked again.", "and again."
No one cares. If you have an away message up, you must wait 10 minutes before putting up a different one.

#6. No one cares how angry you are at your bf/gf/parents/relatives/self, so don’t write about it in your away message and/or profile. I don’t feel like going on to see something like; "I'm fucking sick of everyone. Leave me alone. No sex for Scott! Love always ~ Princess"

#7. Do not put the same things in your profile and away message. Your away message must be different from your profile.

# 8. You must change your profile at least once a month because frankly if you don’t, you’re probably really boring anyway, so you should at least trick people into thinking you’re a little entertaining by keeping your profile fresh.

#9. Big ass fonts are not allowed at all. You must always be at size 14 or less. Anything more than a size 14 font means you have a small penis and/or you’re a slut, so don’t do it.

#10. Don’t use neon colors for your font. Green highlight with neon yellow is not acceptable. It hurts our eyes. We won’t talk to you. Plus, it’s a little immature don’t you think?

#11. Have common courtesy and practice typing. Noen fo iths. You seem drunk. Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing can be bought on www.amazon.com for only $29.99. That’s 10 dollars off. You save 25%.

#12. LOL!, LMFAO!, LOL!!!, LMAO!!, and HAHA!! Should be used with discretion. Something needs to be super fucking hilarious for you to actually use those. No, you know what? Don’t use them at all. Ever.

#13. Excessive use of punctuation will not be tolerated.
“!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” is not acceptable after any word or sentence. You are NOT Mrs. Rosenberg so you don’t need to emphasize anything using ten thousand exclamation points. When asking a question, you don’t need two question marks either (I.E. WHAT??) especially if you’re gonna put the interrogative in all caps like that. (See rule 19.) Also, you may not mix exclamation points with question marks (I.E. “Are you joking?!?”). Just don’t do it. Don’t.

#14. No excessive use of dots. (I.E. We...can’t.. talk.. like.. this..) It slows the reader down. There are only very specific situations when it can be used. I.E. Thinking of something or joking around, but constant use is forbidden.

#15. Long acronyms are stupid. If you are not texting on a cell phone, there is no excuse for writing something like “h.w.y.n.l.n?” (How was your night last night.) Oh yea, like I know what that means. No one does. We’re gonna ask you because we won’t know, so essentially, you’re wasting everyone’s time by not taking the five extra seconds to type the phrase out. Do yourself a favor and stick to brb, lol, ttyl, btw, and g2g. (Omg is ok too..) They are simple and everyone knows them.

#16. If you don’t have anything to say, don’t say anything at all.
lols and/or smilies after every comment are not acceptable.

#17. This smiley :-$ should never be used.

#18. TyPiNg LiKe ThIs Is NoT AlLoWeD. i HaTe wHeN pEoPlE tYpE lIkE tHiS.

#19. DO NOT TYPE IN ALL CAPS. It means you’re shouting. Once in a while you can emphasize a single word in all caps. (I.E. “That was ALL she did.”) All caps may not be followed by excessive use of punctuation. (See Rule 13.)

#20. Spelling things with numbers should not be done.
OK, I get that some people have this whole, hacker thing going on. That’s great. Keep it up, but when you’re talking to people outside of the Magic Club and your LAN, don’t write things in binary or code, or whatever hacker lingo you use. I don’t know hacker jargon, I don’t use hacker jargon, don’t try to talk to me in hacker jargon. Hacker lingo is just not acceptable to the general public. (I.E.- “Hey 1337, u totally kick some major 56474899!” or HackBuddy 1:“How wuz ur 01001010101?” HackBuddy 2: “01010011010101 010101001010101110101”

#21. If you’re going to swear, swear. Don’t spell ass like @$$. It doesn’t make you any better. Just say it. Get it over with.

#22. While on the topic of spelling-
Mah and mai are not acceptable forms of the word ‘my’.
Here are a list of words that are not acceptable either:
Kewl instead of “cool”
Ne Wayz instead of “anyway”
Skool instead of “school”
Skewl instead of “school”
Da instead of “the”

People, there was a reason these words are spelled the way they are in the first place. Don’t go changing them. Leave them alone.

#23. For you lazy people-
Similar to the Hack Jargon rule (#20), numbers that are also words are not acceptable to use in place of the words. For Example; “How was your day 2day? Did you go 2 da meeting in da room 4 da thing? sum1 told me u did.” Look at that. They broke two rules in one go! Don’t do it people.

#24. Stop saying I C. Just don’t do it. Forget it exists. “Ah, I see.” is fine, but I C doesn’t cut it. I hate it so much I didn’t group it with the other short hands in # 15. I can see where if you’re on a cell phone SMSing some one that you will be using this, but if you’re on AIM and you have a keyboard, type it out. What is so hard about it? If you don’t like typing, why are you on AIM? Practice your skills.

#25. Speaking of skills, don’t spell it with a Z. (I.E. Skillz.)
Don’t spell anything with a ‘z’. Chances are, you’re not black if you’re spelling words with a z. Black people are much too cool to be spelling words with a z. You’re not a homie, playa, or a bad ass when you spell your words with a z. So don’t do it.
Common words that people stick Zs on-
Anywayz
Thankz
Suckz
EXCEPTION: Cuz instead of because.

#26. While we’re at it, don’t put X onto anything either. I.E. Sux, Thanx

#27. Excessive warning of people.
Someone please tell me, what is the point? Warning does nothing. It’s dumb. Oh, so your little bar of IM energy goes down a little quicker. Big deal, direct connect. Warning doesn’t solve problems. It creates them.

#29. If someone IMs you to say hey and then you say hey back and then they don’t say anything, block them. Obviously, they have nothing to say to you and you are not required to keep the conversation going. They are not worthy of the space on your buddy list.

#30. Do not take 10 minutes to respond to someone’s IM each time you IM them back. This one is for you, Dereck. I just don’t understand why it takes you ten minutes to write back something like “Yea…” I mean, right there you’re breaking two rules. Two.

#31. If you haven’t IMed a buddy for about an hour and you’re signing off, don’t say goodbye. Obviously, there’s a reason you two aren’t talking. The conversation is done. It’s over, its Oprah. Your buddy could be moving on to more important things like porn or more interesting people, just sign off. We don’t mind, honest. We’ve already closed your IM and pretty soon, we’re probably gonna block you too.

#32. After five minutes of you and your buddy not talking, don’t go “So………” or “Anywayz…….” Or, a favorite among many Sophomore IB students, namely Jamie Meadows- “Soooooooooooo” Which is a variation of “So……….”. At any point, these are not acceptable to send to an AIM buddy.

#33. If it’s been 25 minutes and you’ve stopped talking to your buddy completely and neither of you are working on anything important, the conversation is over. Get on with your life.

#34. Give someone three minutes to answer an IM. You are not the only buddy on your buddy’s buddy list. You are not the only person your buddy talks to. I’m sorry, but there are other people in the world.

#35. If a buddy does not answer within six minutes, you may say “Hey, are you there?” but you may not at any point ever say; “HELLO?!?!” or “Soooooo where are you!?!” or “Answer already!!!” Not ever, ever, ever.

#36. If someone blocks you, do not get on one of your other 1000 screen names to tell them off for blocking you. Take a hint. They don’t like you. Get over it.

#37. This isn’t TRL. Please, no more shoutouts. No one cares who your friends are. In fact, if you have shoutouts, you probably don’t have too many friends. Don’t go trying to prove that you have friends. Half of the people in your shoutouts section probably hate you anyway. That kid Joey in your math class who gave you his SN? Yea, he doesn’t care. In fact, he already blocked you.

#38. Do not reveal your life story to someone on AIM whom you have known for less than a week. Actually, this applies to real life too. Guess what? We don’t care about your problems. That’s why they’re called YOUR problems. In order to complain to someone about anything other than HW, such as your life, you must have known them at least two months and have already greeted them as seen in rule #1.

#39. Do not use "I'm away from my computer right now." as an away message. In fact, don’t use ANY of the preset away messages. Try to be creative. Don’t steal. Stealing is a sin. Shame on you! Also, taking away messages from Aimbuddy.com or badassbuddy.com or any of those little AIM sites doesn’t count as being creative. That’s still not original.

#40. Screen names should not have more than four numbers max. And even four might be a little too much.. (Those dots were ok by the way.) You can’t be HotGirl8548912 or Pimp8685983674657. Its wrong.

#41. Its polite to say Welcome Back when someone gets back from BRBing. Its not necessary, but it’s a nice touch. Like placing your napkin on your lap, its just good manners. You don’t really have to, but you should.

#42. Don’t just randomly put your away message up when you’re in the middle of talking to someone. Have the decency to say, “brb”. It takes all of what? Two seconds? I mean, courtesy. That’s all its about. What’s so hard about it?

#43. Do not say “brb” every five seconds. If you have something else you should be doing instead, then do it. Sign off and come back later.

#44. Do not go online if you’re intently watching a television show or movie. If you’re too busy to respond to your buddies because you’re watching Friends, then just sign off. Finish your movie or whatever and then go back online.

#45. The following reasons are not acceptable for away messages:
· Sleeping
· School
· Anything where you will be gone more than two hours

Naps are ok, because you know you’re coming back. That is the only exception. At night though, when no one will be on at 3 AM, just sign off. We don’t need to know you’re sleeping.
School is also a dumb reason to put up an away message. Most of your stupid friends will be at school with you. In fact, they probably make fun of you at school for your stupid away messages. Why do you have it on there anyway? For you online g/f or b/f in Australia?

#46. Tub girls, those stupid sites where you 'see what's wrong with the picture' before something screams at you, and goatseing should not be done anymore. Its old. Find something new like www.stefispice.blogspot.com that’s actually worth looking at.

#47. Unless trying to be jovial, do not spell the word crazy as Krazy, Carazay, Cra-zay or Carazy. It just shouldn't be done.

#48. One must know a buddy for at least two months before saying "luv" or "love" ya. Also, "love you like a sister" should never be used.

#49. Some common words that should never be used; Peeps, Dawg, Homie, Homeslice, Home girl/boy ect.

#50. Do not spell Girl as "Gurl", "Gerl", or "Grrl"

#51. Do not spell Boy as "Boi"

#52. Proof read your away messages. Nothing is more infuriating than seeing someone idle for more than 15 minutes with an away message that says something like "studing for the big test" What, I ask you, is studing? Is it some new, hip trend im not "down" with yet? It sounds like something you would do to a horse.

#53.If someone breaks five rules in less than 90 minutes of conversation, you must block them.


These rules are kinda like the constitution. Follow them, and all will be well. Don’t follow them, and your ass is going to prison. Thank you for your cooperation.
Always,
Management

Quote of the day:
::Sailor Erin is looking at the script for drama that I wrote that said "DILLON (CON'T)::
Erin: "DILLON cunt?"
Stefi: "No, it means Dillon Continued."
Erin: "Oh.. well, it looks like cunt."
Stefi: "Ok.. but its not."
-- Drama antics

Corrections..
Freshman year was when Matt had PE.
He's a Junior now.

Sometimes I forget Matt is a year older than me..

I guess while I'm here I might as well give a small update.
Was sick today.
Ok, cool. That was fast and easy.
Just like -insert your favorite hoe here-.
Great.
Real update coming soon.

Quote of the day:
None..
I was sick. No time to be funny when one is sick.

Extra Quote of the day:
Matt: there was nothing more satisfying than drilling them in the ass..
Matt: with the tennis ball of course
-- Matt talking about hitting people with a tennis ball in PE last year.

“She’s a swimma!”

So my day was pretty interesting.

Took a math test first hour that I’m pretty confident about…

Passed notes with Steph M. in Chem about how much we hate Rosie and such and then nearly got caught.

“I’ll take that.” Rosie stopped in front of Steph’s desk and held out her hand; waiting for Steph to give her the note as I sat witnessing the entire scene in horror. Reluctantly, Steph handed it over and then turned to me.
“Did you see where she put it?” Steph asked.
I looked to the back of her room into Rosie’s office. There was the note sitting against a stapler on her desk.
“Yea,” I shook my head yes.
Steph was thinking, “I’ll distract her and then you grab the note and RUN. If she sees you, don’t stop. I’ll tell her the note was personal.”
“OK.” I agreed.

For the next twenty minutes I sat in Rosie’s class feeling like I was going to throw up.
Not that I don’t feel like that in class every day anyway, but this morning it was for a reason other than Rosie’s lame ass jokes.
I turned to my friend Brianna on the other side of me. She was closer to Rosenberg’s office.
“Do you think you can get the note?” I asked her. I was afraid I wouldn’t grab it in time and I didn’t want to risk Rosie seeing me physically stealing the note back. I figured getting caught taking it would probably be bad. A lot worse than if the note just sort of happened to be.. missing.
She nodded as she took out a blank piece of notebook paper and folded it like the original note on Rosie’s desk had been folded. It looked like the same note.

Finally, with thirty seconds to the bell, the horse shut up and began to walk to her storage closet in the front of the room.
“Go!” I hissed to Brianna.
She got up and walked to the garbage bin right next to Rosie’s office to “throw something away” and switched the blank piece of paper with the note on her desk. The bell rang right as she switched them, bringing Rosie flying back into the room for some last minute announcements I didn’t care to listen to.

“Brianna, you are amazing.” I said as soon as we got outside of Rosie’s room.
“I had no part in this.” She said as she handed me the note.
Steph ran up and hugged Bri, “Thank you!” she gushed.
Brianna shrugged and walked away to her next class.
What a hero.

So yea.. that was fun. lol
I slept during World History..

During lunch I did my Spanish HW and tried to ignore Ben G(r)ay.
I didn’t really say anything since I was tired anyway, but he kept trying to be.. I don’t know, funny or something, during lunch.. and well, he isn’t.
I’m sorry, but he’s only ever amusing because he’s a total dork/loser/GLF.
All of his “witty” remarks have the same layout.
They all start off with “Yea, ‘cause we so care about –insert comment here.-
Like, for instance, our table was talking about how everyone loves Omaya (Its true. You just can’t hate the girl), so G(r)ay, trying to be “funny” says, “Yea, ‘cause we so care about what Omaya thinks.”
That is the basis of every comment Ben makes where he’s trying to be humorous. Yea, its not working out so well for him.

Oh Well.

K, I’m gonna dash.
Nap time..

Quote of the day: (and yes, I actually have one today, Alison.)
Stefi: “Sorry, I had a Muriel’s Wedding moment.
Random Girl: “Wow, those are some big word’s you’re usin’ there. Muriel?”
Stefi: “Muriel's a name actually.."
Random Girl: “Oh….”
-- this Random girl getting all confused when she came into a conversation I was having with Andrew at his locker after 1st hour.

“WHEN AM I SUPPOSED TO TEACH?!?!!!!”

Well, chemistry was fun today…….

I walked in on Rosenberg, yet again, going insane because some kids were going to miss class for an award ceremony.
G0d forbid they miss Chemistry class!
It’s the end of the world! Oh no!

SO MUCH CHEMISTRY! SO LITTLE TIME!

“Wouldn’t it be funny if the kids didn’t go to the ceremony because they WANTED to stay in class?” She asked.
“Yea,” I was bemused, “Like that would ever happen.” I laughed in reply back to Rosie who was standing almost directly in front of me.
Lisa Wade turned red, “Stefi, She’s going to shoot you one day!” She hissed.
“At least I wouldn’t have to go to class anymore if she did.” I retorted.

I spent the rest of the class listening to Blythe Proof reading stories (because honestly, who doesn’t love to hear about the daughter of someone we hate, doing something everyone loves? I never realized what a challenge and how exciting proof reading is! The story of the mother daughter bonding that can occur during proof reading changed my outlook on life.) and watching Lucca play with his hair. He plays with his hair more than I do.

I was tired this morning and every time I rolled my eyes it hurt.. and I was rolling my eyes a lot. I never noticed until today how many times I roll my eyes in one period of chemistry. (12 times)

When handing back the tests, Daniel Thai piped up with his usual; “Are they in any particular order?”
And for the first time, Lisa Wade got really mad.
“Have they ever been in any particular order?!” She asked Daniel in what I would assume is Lisa’s “Angry Voice”.
He turned around to look at Lisa but didn’t answer her and instead waited for Rosie’s answer.
“No, Daniel.” Rosie calmed him, “They are not in any order.”
“Very well.” Daniel griped his desk just a little tighter and leaned forward a little closer.

He’s so weird.

I came home and saw that my mother had bought Time Magazine.
Always one to keep myself updated on world news, I cracked it open and immediately found the one article that had nothing to do with news.

It was an article on that Reality movie The Real Cancun.
So I’m reading along trying to inform myself of what really goes on in Cancun.
The wet t-shirt contests, orgies, ect. ect.

When I read this:
“…we’re willing to ignore the Heisenberg uncertainty principle [as to why geeks are more popular] here [in Cancun].”

I nearly gagged on my own spit.
She totally ruined my life.
I had to put down the magazine and stop reading.
I couldn’t go on.
Damn Time Magazine with their educated writers who reported on this movie.
Damn them!

I will no longer be able to read Time Magazine.
Shame, I always liked it..

Quote of the day:
Stefi: Matt, I hate to bother you
Matt: yes?
Stefi: did you say anything funny today?
Matt: piss off
Stefi: okie dokie
Matt: lol
-- Me once again.. not having a proper quote of the day

“Look! I made a zebra!”

Greeting boys and girls. How are we on this fine Sunday evening?
Grand.
Let’s get down to business.

TUESDAY- My Birthday.
I must say, I had a really good birthday.

My parents woke me up with a few gifts.
My mom was actually up before seven AM. That was amazing. That’s only happened like, twice before.

My friends ate the cake without me at my mini-birthday party at lunch..
But at least they saved me a piece.
Apparently, they also sang Happy Birthday before they ate it.
Also, mad props to Mrs. Jenna’s mom, Amy Stokes, for bringing in the mini-oreos. That was a nice touch. (Also, thank you Jenna for the Target gift certificate :) )

After school I was presented with a card from my friends that Andrew made. It was really nice. It had the caricature of me from his site on it and he got a lot of my friends to sign it. Made me feel really special.

That night, Matty came over and joined my family and me at Thaifoon, a Thai food place (obviously). We had fun, we laughed, we ate, and we played Spot the Nose Job. Matt, who had never had Thai food, said it was “different”. He also gave me, and this’ll sound kinda weird but, socks, a headband, and a Ken doll. He had this whole presentation for it that was really funny. I tried to recreate it for Amanda when she came over to my house Friday, but I couldn’t quite capture the essence of The Matt. I tried though, I did. That Ken doll, Matt. That was classic. lol When we were finished with dinner, we went over to my Aunt Polly’s house for cake and then we went home. And my birthday was over. I had a really good day. Thank you to all of my friends who made it really special. I felt very much loved.

Wednesday I can skip..
Thursday was.. wait.. something happened Thursday.. Oh, the chem Lab.. Yea, ok, that was 45 minutes of my life I’ll never get back. I did not understand the lab at all, and like Stephanie Meisenheimer, I spent my class period making atom animals.

Friday was the chem test.
Need I say more?

After school Amanda came over and we watched the Matrix (she had never seen it). Ok, correction, she watched the Matrix and I slept.
I didn’t mean to fall asleep. But there’s this one part that I can’t watch where Keanu (Neo if you will) is talking with the agents right after they capture him and they do that whole thing with his mouth and the bug and.. yea, so I closed my eyes at that part (wuss, I know) and after that, I couldn’t open them again.
I didn’t wake up until the movie was pretty much over.

Then we got ready for the Avril Lavigne concert.
Yes, I know.. Avril.
I gotta tell you guys though, as bitchy as she is, I like her music.
Plus, it was a good show. GOB and Simple Plan were playing with her.

The night ended up like a cheap music video, I swear.
Looking down at my tickets I realized they were the dreaded GA.
General Admission.
There was no way I would stand in the pit. It sucks. It is, pun totally intended, -insert groan here- The pits.
Sorry, had to.

I’ve been to concerts where its been standing only, the whole thing GA and it sucks.
Green Day’s warning: tour? Yea, humped twice by some guy I didn’t know.
Thank you, but I don’t need that.

So instead I told Amanda to sit wherever she wanted.
All was fine and well and good until the people who owned the seats got there.
Some woman and her three-year-old ugly daughter.
She tapped Amanda on the shoulder, “YOU’RE IN OUR SEATS!” She shouted over Simple Plan. The pointed for us to get up.
Amanda stood up and started to explain to the mean lady why we were in her seats.
Rookie. First rule of stealing seats- Don’t explain. Just move.
I said sorry to the woman as we left, then took Amanda aside and explained to her the rule.
So we moved again, this time we could see backstage, it was cool for an entire ten minutes.. then this other bitchy lady who had bought out the entire row (and was now two hours late for the concert) told us to leave.. We weren’t even in her seats. We were standing with some other girls who she also made leave. What a whore.

So we moved again…
And again.. to these 350 dollar seats where we were promptly kicked out…
We kept going around dodging the stupid ushers in their blue polo shirts who always stop you for your ticket before you sit.. when finally we’d had enough.
Simple Plan was almost over, I could hear them singing Addicted, Avril was gonna be on soon… we wanted to have actual seats.

Suddenly, Amanda was struck with a brilliant idea.
It was weird. I don’t think that had ever happened before.
“Start coughing.” She told me. “Tell them we were down in the pit, but you couldn’t breathe. You’re claustrophobic. Every concert has trouble seats. I’m telling you. This will work.”
I did as she said and coughed it up.
I’d never seen the ticket takers and box office people so helpful. Two people helped us find seats and we ended up with third row.

It was an awesome show.

Had it been an actual music video though, I would have gotten backstage and then made out with the lead singer of Simple Plan who is really hot.

I got a shirt and a wristband (thanks Amanda lol) instead.
That’ll hold me over.

Oh, school tomorrow.
The joy.

Quote of the .. week:
Stefi: I need a quote....
Stefi: lol
Matty: so put a quote
Stefi: have you said anything funny today?
Stefi: lol
Matty: Almost giving hope to others who may similarly fall into a position of depression, Steinbeck shows that kindness comes in all forms, which include that of a 36C spot of 2%.
Stefi: lol
Stefi: that is
Stefi: I can't believe
Stefi: you're turning that in
Matty: lol
Matty: yeah
Matty: sound good then?
Matty: lol
Stefi: lol
Stefi: its between that and Siovash's whole foot fetish monologue
Matty: lol

-- Matty tonight, helping me with the quote of the week