”How can you get lost on the way to a Starbucks from your house?”

Let us share a moment of silence in honor of the death of Bennifer.
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It’s the end of an era you know? Sad. Their kids would have been weird looking though.

I am so sick.
I went to school anyway yesterday and was able to keep down a bagel. So that’s fun.
I was pretty irritable yesterday due to being at school, being tired, and definitely not feeling my best; so I was pretty much quiet yesterday and didn’t lash out at anyone who said “You look awful!” or “You look really pale”.

Nothing of any real importance occurred this Friday. Watched some Wizard of Oz in American History. It was supposed to teach us about the Populist movement and the ply of the farmers and whatnot.. but I only learned that I still know every line from that movie. I’ve probably seen it about 9000 times since the age of three. Ok, that’s sad.

Went out with Jenna after school for the usual Starbucks and gab fest. I opted for tea on my weak stomach. We ran into Crystal, but she was leaving as we arrived, so she didn’t stay to chat, which I was kind of upset about. She’s supposed to be fun. Jenna and I went back to my house for a bit and then later that night I began throwing up again which sucks let me tell you.

Its been off and on now since about midnight last night. Its been awful, but hopefully it’ll be over soon and I’ll be able to drink water again and perhaps eat something and maybe even go out. For the moment though, my mother keeps shoving Ginger Ale down my throat. Its been a blast.

Anyway, between vomit sessions I posted my California pictures, so if you get really bored at all this weekend, you can look at those.


Quote of the day:
“This is North Canyon. I’m Matt. If you need someone to show you around, I’ll help you.”
-- Matt mocking me for never coming to school.

Lots of pictures to take a gander at.

“Did you really just touch your penis?” or
“You could be queen of the couch, but you choose not to be.”

Home sweet home.
I’m happy to see it, but sad the weekend is over. It was so much fun.

I’ll start at the beginning.. because.. well, the best stories start there.

So we’re on the plane..
We’re completely over excited despite the fact that some bitch from Kansas shoved me out of the way trying to get on the plane. G0d forbid I have my ticket taken before hers.. I half expected her to throw corn at me or something, anyway... we got to the airport super early so we had “A line” tickets (meaning we get to board first) so we’re pumped. We sit down, I get my window seat. I am happy.

Then I see her.

Annoying Jew Girl from VTL.

It’d been six months, but I remembered her. She was still exactly the same, and she was staring at me from the aisle of the plane…
“Hi!” I said because you have to be polite.
“Oh hey! It is you!” She sat herself down next to Matt, much to her parents (and my) chagrin.
“Oh G0d.. oh G0d..” I said under my breath to Matt as she shoved her bag into the overhead compartment.
“I didn’t know if it was you or not!” She said, or at least I think she said because she was talking pretty fast.
“No.. no its me..” I said totally disappointed by the party crasher.

She went on for the entire trip only stopping twice. Once for a sip of water, the other to show Matt her breasts. And no. I’m not kidding. She didn’t just talk about herself though. She was nice.

“So, what are you going for in IB?” She asked me after she had just finished making Matt’s already inflated head explode with multiple compliments in a row.
I thought quick- Do I lie to her and go along with her mistake? Or do I correct her and tell her not to assume I’m in IB just because I go to NCHS. I didn’t recall ever saying I was in IB before…
“Certificate.” I answered. You should have seen Matt’s face.
“Me too!” She reached over Matt for a high five/wave hello to my boobs moment. “Yea, I was going to drop out, but then decided to just get my certificate. So much easier!” She went on about this for another twenty minutes as I tuned her out while I tried to pop my ear because the cabin pressure was clogging it up.“So what are you testing in?” She asked.
I half panicked.
Testing in? What the fuck?
“Oh.. I don’t know yet? What about you?” I don’t even care how stupid that sounds.
I don’t remember what she replied, because I didn’t care. English or something.

Thankfully, the ride was pretty much over by that time. I stole everything out of the seats and watched her leave, but not before everyone exchanged numbers..

She actually, wasn’t that bad. We have the Jew connection. Jews are cool.

Seconds after we got off of our plane we spotted our first boobs gone wrong.
If you’ve read the last post, you know what happened. It was bad.

My Uncle Gary picked us up shortly after we began our game of Spot the Asian, and took us to dinner on Rodeo drive at an Italian restaurant that I can’t remember the name of. And there.. low and behold.. we see Harry from Night Court.
Who?
Exactly.

We drove around LA for a while after that. Saw Sunset Blvd. The hot spots. Big billboards. That type of thing and then headed back to their lovely apartment to go to bed.

Day two was exciting. We made like tourists and spent the day at the La Brea Tar Pits (they were tary), the Grove (Good shopping. Its where I blogged from.) lunch at a Chinese place that I can’t remember the name of either.., and then to the Chinese Theatre where I was mistaken for Britney Spears.
Yea, seriously. And not by a blind guy.

“Oh oh! You have to get Britney’s star.” I made Matt stop outside the theatre so that we could get a picture.
“Ooooo I want one of those too…” Some creepy gross guy came up behind Matt as he was taking a picture of me and we accidentally made eye contact and I almost threw up.
“Look, honey.” A mother came by with her four or five year old girl. “That’s Britney Spears.” She was pointing to the star, but I was kneeling next to it. Matt took the picture and I stood up as the little girl came toward me in the crowd of people waiting to get a glimpse of the starwalk.
“Hi Britney Spears.” She said to me making all the cultured people smirk. I didn’t care. It was so awesome. It would never happen again.
“Aww, no.” I corrected the little girl. “I’m not Britney Spears. I’m sorry.” Her mother tugged her away.
“Hi Britney Spears..” some weirdo guy walking by eyed me. Probably homeless. Naturally.
“That was so cool!” I turned to Matt. “Pathetic because I’m so happy about it.. but so cool! That will never happen again!”
“No, it won’t.” He agreed.

After the ordeal, we walked to The Ripley museum (It was scary, ok? It was. I don’t care if I get compared with the six year old. I don’t like seeing dead people. Fake or not.), more of the star walk, The Kodak Theatre, The Louis Vuittone store where we were closely followed by an overly-worried employee who thought they were more important than they really were, and shopping on Hollywood Blvd. Twas a busy day. We were picked up after that and whisked away to dinner and a movie.

If you haven’t seen Along Came Polly, I highly recommend it.

I can’t believe how insane going to the movies, a simple outing in Phoenix, is in LA. Its like.. the super bowl. There was clapping every time a new preview came on. Wooing for their favorite star. I loved it. If you did that in Phoenix, you’d be beaten up so fast your head would spin. Plus, it was totally packed. Its like that at every theatre, so if you plan on going to the movies in LA, go early.

The next day, we ventured to the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills for a lovely brunch with family and friends. You can’t go wrong with a brunch. Surprisingly good sushi there…

We made our way to Grauman’s again after that to catch a Celebrity Homes tour. It was so cheesy, I loved it. Our tour guide, Dave, was some wannabe actor who now gives tours of the homes he’ll never be able to afford to buy. He stopped just so he could have a smoking break at one point, but other than that he was very knowledgeable about the history of LA. So it was really cool. We had the typical crowd- Middle aged fat women who wore ugly matching sweatshirts and wanted to know how to get tickets for The Price is Right and Dr. Phil,, The gay couple from Arizona, and a small town all American couple from Pennsylvania, and the awesome teenagers who laughed at the tour guide because no one else would. It was an exciting day.

Our last day there we spent at Santa Monica watching the ocean and street performers. I forced Matt to shop a little with me, and then we met up with a family friend for some lunch and a ride back to LA so we could catch our plane.

Or so I thought.

“Ah..” Matt began as I was gathering my bags to put them into the car, “we missed our flight…”
I smirked.
“It was at two.. I read the paper wrong..”
“Its ok.” I honestly didn’t mind. We were running late anyway.

We ended up catching the 4:30 PM flight after being on stand-by, Wasn’t terrible. We had to sit in the back with the freaks, but hey. Its ok. I got airplane wings. It was awesome, so that made up for it.

I’m at home now. Its weird.

But I must say- sleeping in my own bed is nice.

Quote(s) of the weekend:
Uncle Andy: “I cancelled a date to be with you two.”
Matt: “Its ok. Stephanie’s breasts are better.”
Uncle Andy: “No.”
-- Uncle Andy and Matt.. kind of self explanatory.

Matt: “I like voluptuous girls.”
Stefi: “You like fatties!”
-- Matt and me discussing his type.

“I will kill you if you go to sleep. I mean it. I will kill you in your sleep.”
-- Me when Matt wanted to go to sleep and I wanted to stay up.

"GAY! GAY! GAY!"

Hello bloggettes. Here I am in a Mac store, writing to you from a public computer because I decided not to bring my lap top with me to LA. I can't believe other people have touched this keyboard. I think I may be sick.

Everyone here is fake and plastic and I love it. I've never seen so many beautiful women and so many equally beautiful gay men. All dressed to the nines. All wearing those disgusting Ugg shoes.

Matt, my Uncle Gary and I went out to dinner last night after a fabulous one hour plane ride to LA. Then toured the town in style (Escalade. I'm only saying this for Jenna's benefit.) Today we're seeing the sites. Seeing stars. Meeting people. Making like celebrities as we buy things we don't need and pretend to like Asians.

I won't go into very many details right now. I just wanted to write to say I'm here having an amazing time, and well.. you are not.

Have fun in Phoenix you fools.

Quote of the day:
Matt: "Oh my....."
Stefi: "What are you oh mying abo... ohhh my."
-- Matt and I getting off the plane and sighting our first pair of overly fake breasts within literally, one minute.

”She done did get did.”

Hello my fans!
I’m calling you a “fan” because you are reading my blog.

You’ve made it to the third sentence and you haven’t clicked it off, congratulations.

I guess I must be doing something right.

I appreciate everyone’s support throughout the last thirteen days and for your kind comments and e-mails. I read every single one of them and I will answer absolutetly none. Nonetheless, thank you again for your support and friendly reminders! You guys are the best! The awesomest I might be inclined to say!

So how is everyone? I don’t really know, but I’m sure I don’t care. I was just being polite. It has been a while. I won’t lie. But truth be told little ones, there hasn’t been a hell of a lot to blog about. And even if there was, I’ve been getting way too much sleep to even begin to make it funny. Getting more sleep changes me. It turns me into.. someone serious. Its weird. I don’t know if I like it. I’m sure my dedicated fans don’t either.

I can’t even believe how.. just completely unblogable my life has been lately. I mean, look at this sample bit of conversation:
ShopGirlLA: what should I blog about?
CrasHTesTDummY37: I don't know!
CrasHTesTDummY37: how much you love me.
Its amazing to me really. This must be what it feels like to be Andrew…

I’ve settled back into school pretty well. By the second day we were already given two books to read, two projects, and a research report. A bit overloading, but I’m not stressing. I know I’ll get it done. And if not, I’ll just pay someone else to do it.

Drama auditions have come and gone.. I opted to do tech again instead of acting. Partly because I don’t know if I can act (and I don’t want my friends lying to me saying I’m good if I’m not) and partly because I just really enjoying saying “I give good headset”. I’m rooting for all of my friends who auditioned though. May the acting gods endow you with fantastic lead roles (or at least some sort of walk on role.). But remember there is no such thing as a small part.. just small actors...

Speaking of actors..
I’ll be hanging out with them all weekend long because I’m going to LA on a holiday (vacation is so.. passé. No one says “vacation” anymore. Its holiday.) with Matt to visit my uncles. Will we have fun? You betcha. Will you be there with us? Hell no. But I’m sure you’ll get to hear about it in a blog sometime in the [near.. hopefully] future.

Quote of the day:
“Nothing like overzealous hand gestures to give ya a mind-blowing orgasm.”
-- Jenna talking about how Amory and Katie probably make their annoying hand gestures even during wild sex.

“Her nose broke her fall actually.”

The Christmas, oh, wait, excuse me; HOLIDAY season is now officially over.

How sad, really.

Holiday, oh screw it, Christmas time (Because, c’mon. I don’t call it “Chanukah time”) for me is probably one of the most depressing times of the year. It’s the time of year when movies such as Love, Actually come out and make you feel like quite possibly the biggest loser on earth if you’re not dating someone who looks like Hugh Grant or, for my guy readers, that chick from the O.C. Then there’s the straight up Christmas movies that are uplifting and chock full of that magical holiday spirit that would seem out of place if you watched them any other time of year. Each year I think it’s a contest to see which old Christmas song they can make a movie out of next. For g0d’s sake they have “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer: The movie”. No joke. Why don’t they just call it “Redneck’s Trailer Trash Christmas”? Seriously. TiVo asked me if I wanted to record it because someone (I’m betting my sister) told TiVo that we enjoyed ‘Holiday Programming’. I’d rather watch Praise the Lord on channel 17. At least that’s slightly entertaining. Also, really, how many different versions of A Christmas Carol do you people actually need? The rest of the Christmas movies are completely generic. Usually featuring some rosy cheeked, wide-eyed innocent Aryan child with a sparkle about them, who teaches the adults in their corrupt snow globe of a world to believe in magic, Santa, and ultimately- the American way of materialism. You goyim. The only Christmas movie I can actually enjoy (if its not starring Hugh Grant) is probably It’s a Wonderful Life because I do take delight in watching James Stewart sprinting through his town. Its good. Its quality.


And while it is depressing in that aspect, I find Christmas to be, at the same time, a pleasurable tradition of phony cheerfulness and never ending amounts of bad fudge (I firmly believe fudge is the new fruitcake). Why is it that people try to be nicer to other people just because “Its Christmas”? Does this make any sense to you? “Oooo.. I really don’t like her.. but I have to be a littler nicer to her now.. it’s the holidays..” Are you worried Santa will put a lump of coal in your stocking? I mean, seriously. What does the holiday change?


And why do the decorations keep coming out earlier and earlier? November 12th and Christmas stuff is all set and ready to go. That ruins the whole Christmas spirit thing. Then its not special. Christmas only comes this time each year or something, so the song says, so why do they put out the red and green foils so damn early? Bugs me.

Bah humbug. I’m glad its over for another year (and that I got my iPod).

Quote of the day:
Aunt Marilyn: “Roy can’t really talk right now though.”
My mother: “No, cat got his tongue. Oh. That was good. I liked that one. That was funny of me. Wasn’t it?”
-- My mother today when she and my aunt were discussing the whole Roy getting attacked by a white tiger ordeal.

“If you think that’s sick, you’re perverted.”

To go along with the whole New Year’s theme, I decided to post my New Year’s resolution:
Not Die.

I think that’s a pretty good one. I think its something I can handle. Its nothing I have to really contribute to or work at much. A resolution that I have a pretty damn good chance of keeping… because its not like I’m a big risk taker, you know? Though this would mean that I couldn’t let Amanda Carungi drive me anywhere anymore… (Happy belated birthday to her by the by.) And I’m clean. I don’t do drugs or anything. Good choice I believe. Good choice.

I think I’m also going to add to my list; Make out with more guys. I like that one too. Something I can enjoy, something I should do more of, yet don’t.

I don’t think I can really think of anything else. I think I’m done.

New Years was nice. I hung out with my family (fuck you to everyone who snickered at that. I LIKE my family unlike some of you out there.). It was a pleasant evening. We went out for Chinese (its supposed to bring good luck), which has been our tradition since forever and then we did the whole Dick Clark New Year’s Rockin’ Eve thing. Enjoyable. Quiet. Peaceful.

I wish everyone a very happy and a healthy New Year. May all your dreams and wishes come true (unless they have something to do with me dying or being fatally injured in any way because I’d really like to keep at least ONE of my new year’s resolutions this year.).

Quote of the day:
Michael: “What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeves?”
Stefi: “I don’t know, what?”
Michael: “Christopher Walken.”
Stefi: “Oh, that’s terrible! I love it.”

-- My cousin Michael (the older one from NY).