“What a glorious specimen!”

So.. apparently there aren’t any rehearsals tonight meaning I have a lot more free time than I originally thought I had.

Nice. It means I can get that math HW out of the way before third hour tomorrow (when I normally do most of my math HW).

Mr. Masterson is still our sub for American History and I’m beginning to think he may know more than Mrs. Wilkens.. I’d never say that to her though, she’d be crushed. He walked in the other day and kept saying, “Isn’t it a great day to be alive?” I half expected him to bring out some puppets and a toy train too. I mean, he already has the sweater thing going on. Would have been perfect. Could have been perfect.

I never liked Mr. Roger’s though.

Yesterday was late start, so after an IHOP breakfast with terrible service, Jenna and I had about an hour or so to kill and we decided to go over to Andrew’s house and wake him up.. only he was already up.. and dressed.. and Ben was over.

It kind of spoiled our plans, but we managed to have fun nonetheless. Ben wasn’t as horrible as he usually is.. Probably because Jenna is much taller than him and could hurt him a great deal.

I had Young Dems after school yesterday as well. That student teacher.. damn. Maley left him all alone and he just started talking.. Who knew he had a personality? OK, so granted, it wasn’t fabulous, but at least we know he talks now. And sure, he’s Republican, but he’s hot.. he just needs to iron his shirts. I saw him today after school and he said hi to me. We had a moment as he said “Democrat..” and I replied “Republican..” and we gave each other rude looks.

It was amazing. Should hold me over for a few hours at least.

Where’s Jake?

Quote of the day:
Mrs. Curran: “Once I talk to this parent.. my day will get better.”
Stefi: “Does it have to do with a cheerleader?”
Mrs. Curran: “It might…”
Stefi: “They’re just awful.”
Mrs. Curran: “Ah, they’re good girls.”
Stefi: “And not at all skanky.”
Mrs. Curran: “Well, some of them aren’t.”
-- Mrs. Curran today at lunch (she's the cheer coach at our school as well as the librarian)

”Should I make fun of that one? Or is the insult implied?”

Hello, hello.
Its my favorite time of year; Late arrival days because of AIMs testing.

That means I get to sleep in tomorrow. Oh yes, Mary, it does.

Today wasn’t a late arrival day, however, so I had to wake my mom at 7 (she refuses to get up earlier than that) to haul my ass to school in the rain.
On the way, an intersection’s streetlights were out so this officer was directing traffic. Whistle, hand motions, and everything. Anyway, he let everyone in the intersection go except for our section and we were sitting there, seriously, about 5 minutes. My mom started to get pretty mad and I was getting antsy because I didn’t want to be late for school so I got out of the car and shouted out to the officer standing in the rain “HEY BUDDY! I’M GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!”

To which he replied “Jkfdsjfsh Gjsn UIejkgfnskj” (I couldn’t hear him.. but it sort of sounded like “SETTLE DOWN!”) It was the closest I had ever been to being arrested. As soon as I got back in the car though, he FINALLY let our section go. So it was ok. I’m thinking about sending that story into Reader’s Digest. You guys let me know if I should.

Mr. Masterson is our sub for the week in Wilkens’ American History class. Three minutes in and he’s lecturing us.. on all this stuff we apparently should know.. that we just.. never learned.. and no one knew what he was talking about and he was babbling much like I am now and then he passed out these papers with vocab on it and said “I expect you to know these by Wednesday as well as having read the chapter.” And all I could think was.. “Well, damn.” I really thought having a sub would make the week easier and give me time to do my math HW, but I guess not. That’s ok though, he’s really nice. I have a sneakin’ suspicion he’s Jewish. We’ll see. I’ll look into it. Throw in some Yiddish words.. see how he reacts. He looks like the guy from Law and Order though, so even if he isn’t Jewish, I still have the L&O factor.

Ah, I’m too tired to be witty or.. cunning or anything else so I’m going. Perhaps I can write something slightly entertaining at a later date.

Quote of the day:
Jake (after telling a ‘joke’ (I use the term loosely): “See! We’re on the same wave length!”
Stefi: “SHE’S 12!”
-- Jake to my sister when she was the only one who laughed at his joke

“KISS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!KISS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!KISS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Gosh school’s been a box of fun lately.

If you’re Daniel Thai.


Its only Montueday, but can’t say I’m enjoying being back in that hell hole penitentiary located smack dab between a golf course and strip club.

I’m sick of school.
I need to get out of there.
Unfortunately for me, I’ve pretty much used up all of my sick days, so I’m stuck. Also, I asked my mom about it and she said “You have to go.. it’s the law..” I explained to her that I’m sixteen and can drop out now and she said “Go ahead, I dare you.”

She knows me too well.

I had to take a math test at lunch. I seriously looked at the paper, and despite studying, hadn’t a clue what the hell was going on. Needless to say, I don’t think I did a particularly fantastic job on it.

I should have just put my name on it, ripped it up, and handed it back to Gene Wilder. I probably would have received just about the same grade had I done that.

I ditched YoungDems to go to play rehearsal today after school. Not that I did much of anything there.. not that I do much of anything for YoungDems either. I came up with a shirt slogan though “Get some ass in the oval office”.

It can be taken however you wish to take it, however, if you think that’s dirty, you’re a pervert.

I had a tooth removed last week, as I had written about before. It wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be. Sure, the five shots of Novocain were a bit daunting… I ended up looking like the victim of a stroke. Half of my face was drooping. Not gonna lie, wasn’t pretty. They pulled out my very last baby tooth. That’s what this whole ordeal was about. A lousy baby tooth that my ortho insisted we had removed.

I named it Lenny.

My mother, doll that she is, bought me Starbucks for my troubles. I got a frap because I’m not so stupid as to drink a hot drink with a numb mouth. Sadly though, I couldn’t quite figure out how to get my mouth to work the straw and it was a big ordeal. We were in the car and I repeatedly had to put down the little vanity mirror so that I could see if my mouth was around it properly. I continually had to reposition it with my hands. Is this disturbing? I hope you all have this great visual going on. It was a delight for the people in the car next to us at the stoplight.


A good-looking business man, naturally.

I suppose its Karma. Lucky me.


Quote of the day:
Stefi (to Matt): “What are you doing?”
Matt: “This is my seduction face.”
Amanda: Yeah, well its not working!”
Matt: “Too bad you weren’t the one I was trying to seduce!”
-- OK, so.. apparently.. you had to be there.. but.. it was funny at the time..

“She’s impossible to exaggerate. She’s a parody of herself.”

Not to go all Teeny bopper poseur emo on any of you but; Something Corporate is coming here in March with Yellowcard and I want to go.

Anyway, I had another boring day of avoiding Katie Davids, tests (four to be exact), annoyance, and fantasizing about that hot student teacher in Maley’s room instead of listening to Wilkens go off about the progressive era. Although, I probably should have been listening to Wilkens… But it was worth it.

He’s only 22.
And he’s Jewish (or rumored to be.)
I love him. I am going to marry him.

Tomorrow I’m leaving school early, but not for fun. I’m getting a tooth pulled. I know about half of the people reading this are pea green with envy due to the fact that I will be receiving narcotics tomorrow, but, I’m not looking forward to it. I do like my dentist though. She’s a friend of the family’s so I get to raid her sample cabinet whenever I go. Mouth wash, toothbrushes, gum, floss. Its all there. Its great as I will take anything that is free.

I received my shirt for the North Canyon Production of Adaptation today. I tried to get a fitted size as to accentuate my breasts, but ah, that plan didn’t really work as its not quite fitted and doesn’t do my breasts any justice. Also, its lime green. Like, neon bright fucking green. But its still cool. My eyes are slowly adjusting to the color and I’m sure I’ll be able to see again soon enough. You know, once I’m used to the glare.

Quote of the day:
“Hi.. Mom? I forgot we have rehearsals today until 4:30.. so can I stay after school for it? OK, I’ll call you on my way home then. Ok, bye.”
-- Jenna while standing in my kitchen so she could stay over my house after school. Her mom doesn’t like her to make plans spontaneously, so this had to be done. Jenna’s getting really good at making up quick lies now anyway.

"That's his head! That's his head!"

Watch out for a short good looking bald guy sitting behind Hugh Hefner at the Grammy's.

Its my Uncle Gary.

“She was undressing us with her eyes.”


So yea, Spikasia couldn’t make the Sweetheart dance this year so they gave their tickets (and sashes) to Andrew, who in turn, gave Kasia’s to me. I’m not gonna lie, I liked feeling popular for the day. Wearing that sash that claimed I was Sweetheart Royalty made me feel special. I had a lot of “You were nominated?” questioned glances and even a few to actually dared ask me aloud, but it was worth it, even if I am still trying to get all of the glitter from it off of my back pack and clothes.. and carpet..

My Friday was alright I guess. I can’t think of anything incredibly terrible that happened to me. Maybe math class, but I have to endure that everyday, so its pretty routine by now. The class is taught by a woman in her late fifties or so who really resembles Gene Wilder (You know, Willy Wonka?). I don’t really mind her to be honest, its just that I don’t learn too much from her because I’m too busy envisioning her dancing with Oompa Loompas, making it difficult to concentrate on imaginary numbers.

American History is always a painful class to sit through as well. I continually check the clock which makes the hour seem slower than it actually is. Its hard to focus on what she’s saying because its like Katie Davids trying to explain volunteer options at the Democrat Headquarters; no one wants to listen. I like history, I really do, but I learn more when I go back and teach it to myself and make it interesting in only a way that I can (naturally). Wilkens is starting to like me a little though. I don’t think she wants to admit it.. but she is. Sure, she elbowed me in the beginning of the year, but I think I’m starting to grow on her a wee bit… probably because I participate in class now.

After school, I hung out with Stephaniebrown and Jenna and instead of watching Thirteen like we were going to, we ended up just talking for about three hours about.. oh lord even knows, they were so high off of the smell of the cheese they were eating. I’m not really one for cheese and someone sent over this giant cheese and fruit basket so we have this giant mixing bowl chock full of little individually wrapped cheeses (and some sausage thingys) at my house now. Despite what SB and Jenna ate, we still have almost a full bowl so if I know you and you’re cool, you can be my guest and come eat it. My mother will thank you.

Jenna and I went to the dance later that night with Andrew (StephanieBrown doesn’t do the whole high school thing. She’s too hard core.). I use the word “dance” loosely as no one was dancing.. except this kid Brad.. and Brad is good, I had no idea. Its not like anyone can dance to Hey Mickey and not even the original, but the redone version for Bring it On. I refuse to go on about this. Read Andrew’s blog as, I haven’t read it, but I’m almost positive he must have gone into detail about the … gathering of students. I probably would have been more upset about it if I had paid, but seeing as how.. technically, Kasia paid for me, I was really ok about it.

I had more fun talking to Mr. Bush about how bad the dance was since he was chaperoning. You should have seen his face when he thought I was nominated. Joking around I said I’d have to enjoy the evening because lord knows I’ll never be “nominated” again as I wasn’t popular enough or well liked with the fellas. He replied that my nominations and awards would come when I’m older and when they counted. That made my night. I thought you all should know. Mr. Bush is so awesome. I miss his class.

We left the dance early to go to Starbucks, where, ironically, they played better music than the DJ at the dance. Go figure.

Hey, maybe tomorrow I’ll write a good blog?

Quote of the day:
Andrew: The Metrosexual Quiz Results
Your Score: 28 / 50

28 points is in the 21 through 34 points range
You're a metrosexual. The next girl you hook up with will be more masculine than you, full mustache and all. Is it time to buy new tweezers?
Andrew: crap, so i'm going to end up with Lindsey?
Stefi: No, you’ll end up with Ben.
-- My conversation with Andrew after he took the Metrosexual quiz.

“I don’t care what anybody says. That kid is not straight.”

OK, so apparently Durex SSL International says that Americans screw longer, younger, and more often than any other country and do it with more partners. G0d bless America, but how exactly does this explain.. oh, I don’t know.. China? India? Japan?
Doesn’t matter. The important question really is- Who’s doing all the screwing and why can’t I get a piece of this?

Any piece. A sliver.

Americans are having sex, on average, 124 times a year with over 14 different partners and are starting to have sex at the age of 16.

So where do I come into this equation?

The Greeks came in second with 117 times a year. Respectable. Can’t say anything about that. The Germans were second youngest at 16 and ½ half years old. Germans.. They pretend they’re all tough with their angry accents and killing of the Jews thing, but all they really want is a piece of ass. Germans are people too.

Japan remained at the bottom of the list with an average 36 sexual encounters a year. I think they’re too busy making TVs and DVD players for the American Consumer to buy and then watch porn on, only continuing the vicious cycle.

While on the subject of sex, one might often think: Gee golly, where do I perform such an act?
One might go to.. oh, I don’t know… a Holiday Inn or Motel 6.
But did you ever stop to think if those beds were sanitary before you make whoopee?
Some guy in Iowa was killed in a Holiday Inn (Shocker.. that’s what you get for staying at a Holiday Inn and not a normal hotel) and when his bedspread was taken to the lab for testing, 106 stains were found and 38 of them were semen. This isn’t really surprising. Well, it’s a little surprising that ONLY 38 out of 106 stains were semen, but.. it caused a little known fact to arise that in the state of Iowa, the law doesn’t require hotels to change bedspreads after every guest. Everything else, but not the bedspread.

Now you know me, I’m afraid of germs and whatnot so these facts completely disturbed me. If its like this there.. its probably like this in a lot of places.

At the Motel 6 in south Des Moines, manager Kurt Robinson (I can’t believe his name isn’t Dick or Bud instead) says bedspreads are changed every three months unless there is a visible stain. Lovely. Of course, only natch, Hotel Management (you have to capitalize it so they think they’re important) will defend their cleaning habits and dispute the laboratory tests.
"Certainly, there are micro-organisms on anything we touch," says Craig Walter, executive vice president of the Iowa Lodging Association.

Uh… yea, but dust and skin are a lot different than.. say.. spunk or.. urine. Those are hazardous and disgusting situations. Its an entirely different thing all together.

Just remember that the next time you listen to that Chingy song or go to your local motel for a roll in the sack. You’re better off in your car.

Quote of the day:
My Mother: “It looks smaller than the other one..”
Stefi: “Maybe its just scared? Ya know.. stage fright.. or something?”
-- My mother and I looking at pictures of Janet’s breast(s). Yea, I wasn’t going to mention it, its done. No more blog about it after this.

“Don’t touch my boob.”

There is absolutely no way to make American History the least bit interesting unless you’re making fun of Mrs. Wilkens in some way. Honestly. I have this stupid, stupid, beyond stupid report due.. I believe Monday, but who knows? On Competition and Monopoly. There is absolutely no way to make it fun or funny. I finished it though. And that’s all that matters.

One report down, one to go.
Or, two to go depending on how you view English Reports.

In any event, I was going to blog about how everyone is a little bit racist today, but I guess I’m still in American History mode because I couldn’t even begin to make THAT funny and there is a ton of stuff I can do with racism.. so that topic will just have to wait for another day. I can’t believe this mood I’m in. I’m so unfunny its killing me. I feel sick about it. My whole left side hurts because of it.

Then I thought I could blog about IHOP and how they serve heart attacks in stick form with their cheese sticks.. but then I didn’t want a million people asking me why I’d set foot inside an IHOP.

To answer those questions: Because pancakes are good and when you want pancakes, you want pancakes. You don’t argue why. You just do it. (And by Pancakes I do in fact mean pancakes, not flapjacks. Flapjacks have a totally different meaning to me.)

My little Jewish friend called me today, which was sweet. Just to see how I was. I had a terribly hard time even beginning to listen to whatever the fuck she was saying though. I nodded a few times then realized she couldn’t see me and began saying, “Yea, I know” over and over and over again. I wondered if she noticed? She didn’t seem to. She kept right on truckin’. Then I had this great idea that I should do a three way call with Amanda while reading a Katie Davids e-mail and have someone time me to see how long it would take for my head to explode. I’m guessing between 20-30 seconds. Then I would have been kind of like this whale.

Kaboom.

Towards the end of the conversation, I figured I should probably say something so that she didn’t think I was just sitting there trying to do my American History homework or off thinking into space about my head exploding. So I sort of tuned in but she was talking about politics and how she’s [groan] a Republican. So I started to say something about the Democrats.. and.. for the life of me, midway through my monologue, I forgot what the hell I was talking about. I had no clue what she was talking about, or what point I was trying to make. Thankfully, that’s about the time my “uncle” called. So I was able to get off of the phone.

The super bowl is on today, not that I have much of an interest in it, but suddenly my mother does, so she’s watching it with my dad. I’m betting it’s just for the commercials. Ah well, I better get on that Petrified Forrest report that I’ve been putting off since I’m grasping at straws here. Pray me a speedy recovery from whatever is making me lack the funny.

Quote of the Day:
Lorenzi: why is everyone so concerned about being a racist
Stefi: everyone's a little bit racist
Lorenzi: every minorty is
Lorenzi: big time
Lorenzi: hating white people
Lorenzi: well
Stefi: oh come now, no one really hates the whites…
Lorenzi: im not afraid to give it to them minorities
Stefi: Whites are g0d.
Stefi: We own.
Lorenzi: you know what they say
Lorenzi: white is right
Stefi: its true
Stefi: ok, now I have a new QOTD
-- Lorenzi and me discussing racism.