Happy Let’s Make Some Cookies Day!

You invite your friend Jenna over to make some cookies and she brings condoms. You remind her that you are both female and not within any vicinity of a strap on. She responds with, “I don’t care. I can work myself.” You nod and she excuses herself to the bathroom where upon she breaks the door as she drives herself to ecstasy.

You ignore the broken door as you step around her naked body in the hallway. “You alright?” you ask her as you help up her quivering body. “I’m fine,” she responds as she picks up her red see through thong with hearts. “I’m A-OK.”

“Good,” you say as you walk away with a spoon in hand, “Because we are going to make cookies.” Your friend Jenna makes her way to the kitchen completely naked, wearing only a thong and begins to sift flour for you.

“What kind of cookies are we making?” She asks.
“Chocolate chip.” You reply, fully clothed.

You make cookies and Jenna returns her clothes to their upright positions on her body, bra included. You open the door to let her out into the night.

“I don’t want a relationship, just kinkyhotsweaty meaningless sex.” She says to you as you hand her the keys to her car. You nod again in response and allow her to make her way home in a dirty, flaming Volvo station wagon.


Happy Let’s Make Some Cookies Day!

Pictures soon.

Quote of the day:
“Don’t you throw your morals out for celebrities though??!?”
-- Jenna when I explained that I’m saving myself for Jesus.

“But she’s a slut!”

Late at night, you get some pretty fucked up ideas.

I find that the later I stay up- not only the hungrier and more energetic I get; but also, the more completely nonsensical I become.

I’ll be sitting in my living room thinking things like “What if I painted my television pink? Would that be kind of cool?” Or when I thought it would be a good idea to make a sweater for my computer monitor. I felt perhaps my computer monitor, Nate, felt under dressed and needed something to make him feel special. It didn’t work out well.

I’ve never gone to bed particularly early and I don’t plan on it any time in the future. Its just not something I’ve ever done. I distinctly remember being a young child and waiting until my parents went to bed so that I could get up 20 minutes later and play “Head of the Household”. That’s what I called it when I pretended to be the mommy and make dinner and such by myself. I had to have been around 5 or 6 when I remember making toast for my stuffed animals and popping in a movie for all of us to watch while I drank tea and wore my mother’s giant early 90s glasses.

As an experiment the other day, I tried to go to bed at a somewhat decent hour. It didn’t really work out. There’s always the hazy moment between 9 PM and 12 midnight where I start to get tired and think that tonight might be the night I go to bed early.. but usually I’m far from right, and find myself tumbling into bed with my pajamas on inside out and a sock still on my foot around 5 AM ish. Sometimes I wake up in my bed and think “How the hell did I get here?” because I’ll have no recollection of even making my way in there in the early morning hours before hand.

Tis a sad life I lead. Its like being drunk without any of the benefits.
I’ve had those mornings though where I’ll wake up and find the sun too daunting to even begin opening my eyes. I remind myself of my grandmother who found most rooms too bright, and walked around in her sunglasses. I do that now too, but only because anything brighter than the glare from my computer screen gives me a terrible headache.

You know you’re tired when you blink and it hurts and you can feel your eyes move.

On my way to the orthodontist last week with my sleep deprived hang over, barely lucid with my right eye twitching out of control underneath my sunglasses, Uncle Luke blaring to try to wake me up, one hand on the steering wheel, the other holding a venti latte, I realized- I hated the sun, I hated Scottsdale, I hated the ortho, and I hated you. Yes, you. I haychew. I didn’t mean to hate anyone, its just part of my condition.. Its part of being.. an addict.

I realized there and then, that yes, I had become an addict.

I’m Stephanie Sparer- And I don’t sleep.

Quote of the day:
“Do you have Matt’s number? You’ll probably want it so you can call him so you two can hang out a lot over the summer before you both go to college.”

Matt’s Reply: “Do you have Stefi’s number? You’ll probably want her’s too.”

-- Me trying to annoy Matt when we saw an old acquaintance of ours.

"I will get you back for that!"

Happy 18th Birthday Mary-Kate and Ashley!



Dirty old men everywhere think you're going to sleep with them now. Not really sure why, but good luck to you guys!

Sadly, I don't see the girls ever doing porn.

A nude scene, maybe, if it would "help their careers". You know, when they're like 25 and the hype has worn off. The best way to get your face back on ET or EW is a nude scene. Just ask Halle Berry.

Quote of the day:
Mr. Bush: even Nancy Reagan uses public potties, when she has to
Stefi: really? you think so? I dunno.
Mr. Bush: trust me. she's old. her bladder is the size of a lima bean.
Stefi: this is true
Mr. Bush: she pees into her purse, from time to time.
-- Mr. Bush and me talking about public restrooms. I refuse to use them.

“Do you like how I just put on make up hoping someone will call?”

Its time for the Second Annual Stefi Awards.

Your host again this year, the reason you still use the internet at all, Stephanie Sparer.


Best Rumor about me that wasn’t true
“I saw Stephanie’s breast pop out at homecoming!”
Alright, first off, my dress wasn’t one of the kinds where my breasts could actually do that, and second of all my breasts are far too small to actually perform that task. But thank you to everyone who participated in that rumor, it made my breasts feel bigger.

Second place
That Thomas and I were dating.
Not yet anyway, bwhahaha.

Worst rumor about me
That I TPed Andrew’s house. It wasn’t me. It was Choir.

Most Embarrassing Moment of Junior year
Katie Davids and her camel toe and panty lines.

Best Rosie Moment
Me trying to be nice after the first night of Passover: “Did you have a good Passover Sedar?”
Rosie: “Yes.. but PASSOVER ISN’T OVER YET!”
Me: “I know, I just wanted to know how your first night went!”
Rosie: “Mm, fine thanks.”

What a bitch.

Favorite Teacher
TIE
Sandberg, Bush, Fraser, and Murphy-Tick take the cake.
Congratulations to Mr. Bush and Mrs. Henzelberg for winning for the second year in a row.

Worst Teacher
Mrs. Sheppard. She can go to hell.


Best Non-Rosie Teacher Moment
FEMALE: Mrs. Wilkens making fun of the Asians “Well, they all look the same ::pulls eyes to mock Asians::.”

MALE: Mr. Keller telling Alicia Rawlings that in the Sports Illustrated ® Swimsuit edition there was a girl who looked just like her if you “took away a little something from the bottom and added a little something to the top.”

What a pervert.

Weirdest Junior Boy
Amory Lowe. He dated Katie Davids and what is up with the rapid hand motions?

Weirdest Junior Girl
Oatmeal Omaya.
Why is she so bitter? Why doesn’t she talk? How on earth did she win President over Casey?

Oh yea, because he dissed her in his speech.
But still, why is she seeking revenge on NCHS?

Winner of the Jenna Stokes Best Hair Color That’s Not Dyed Award
Jenna Stokes. Again.

Best Locker Award
MALE: Matt MacDonald.
FEMALE: Me.

Please, like you didn’t see that a mile away.


Best New Hair Award
StephanieBrown’s Gwen Stefani antics; going from platinum blonde to bright red and having both work for her.

Winner of the Good Riddance Award
Here is the time when we look back at people who left our school… and decide whether or not we miss them.

Erin Folley.
So long.
Fare well.
You’re so nice until you start talking and asking for rides.

Winner of the Senior NCHS Will Probably Actually Miss
Matt MacDonald. I'm so sick of seeing girls faint at the sight of him. Its nuts.

And now, a special presentation from Matthew MacDonald with a few awards of his own-

The "I Can't Take a Hint" Award
Drama cutie Lauren Forschino's big sister Jennifer, or "Boots" as she has come to be called. She's nice, don't get me wrong, but leave me alone. Seriously. It creeps me out that I see you everywhere. Stop calling me.

Best Movie
TIE: In Da Club by me of course and NC! True High School Story: Stephanie Sparer; by Stephanie Sparer. I kid you not when I say these were amazing. You should have seen them. These will be legends long after the awards ceremony has passed.

Cheater Most Likely to Never Get Caught
David Lorenzi. No, just kidding.

Best Braces Look
Stefi. She pulls it off. She is gap-less. She's gonna have hot teeth. Mark your calendars, gentlemen; she's got it going on.


That’s all for this years awards. Congratulations to all the winners! You may contact me for your prizes.

Quote of the day:
Crystal: "I stayed the night at a friend's house."
Stefi: "And by friend, do you mean lovah?"
Thomas: "And by lovah, do you mean... female?"
Group: “…..”
Stefi: “No, and that wasn’t funny.”
-- A snippet from Starbucks. You probably had to be there to find this at all amusing. I’m too tired to think of anything good. My apologies.

“Your mom knows you’re driving.. right?”

Its done.
And it feels fantastic.

There isn’t really a better way to celebrate the beginning of summer than by staying up all night for absolutely no reason and being cranky, incoherent, and groggy the rest of the next day. It’s a marvelous way to start the season off right. Indeed.

After spending a day and a day (if you add up all the times I actually went) working hard at school to earn that diploma, I am finally out of NCHS. Wait.. no.. that wasn’t me. Never mind. But I did work hard this year and its nice that I can finally take a bit of a break.

I did go to graduation the other night. I didn’t cry as much as I thought I would. I cried more at the end of the night than anything else. I was looking at pictures and stuff and it just seemed.. real, and final.. and over. I’ll miss all of my senior friends who are going on to bigger and better places. Ok, so maybe I won’t miss Erin that much.. but the rest I will.

One of the guys who spoke at graduation had said, “One might ask, what do we need to know this stuff for anyway?” and it got me thinking.. because I always wanted to know why exactly I should know as much as I do about American History and Chemistry. When posed the question “What do we need to know this stuff for?” any teacher can and will come up with some “witty” answer regardless of what subject they teach. From Earth Science to Calc, they always have some smart ass remark ready to fire back at the kids.. I know its great to be overly clever and randomly spurt out facts at the drop of a hat.. Its what English people base their entire lives on. That and tea, but I mean, Daniel Thai can do that and he still doesn’t have any friends. So I started thinking more.. and I realized.. you do need those facts. You need every single one of them if you’re going to be attempting the New York Times Crossword Puzzles. Have you ever tried to do one of those? You need to be a freaking rocket scientist to finish one… Or at least have access to the internet. You need to be schooled in every single subject to be able to complete one of those. So keep those history notes. They could come in handy one day when you’re bored and you get the clue “Tax of 1786”. That or, you know, if you ever decide to be on Jeopardy.

Its weird to think that next year though.. I will be a senior. I always thought being a senior would be an automatic fast pass ticket to coolness and a boyfriend, but apparently its not, which is really too bad. I remember my freshman year, thinking about how long four years was going to be. Good lord, could I stand to be in this box without windows for that long with all of these morons who I can’t stand? I also remember thinking “Maybe by senior year, I’ll have breasts?”

“Next year,” I would tell myself, “is the year of breasts and a boyfriend.”

I finally ran out of years. This is it. I better make it count.

I made it to my senior year.. and sadly, I haven’t grown any breasts yet, but I have three months.. I have time. We’ll see.

Now onto my summer plans.. What exactly am I going to do? I have nothing but time at this point.. sure, my parents are all set on me getting some sort of job thing.. but I’m thinking more along the lines of… not doing anything work related at all. I need to do cool things though. More nights of eating Wendy’s on my drive way with Jake, Jenna, and Crystal and looking at the stars as we talk about Jake’s sex life. More outings. More midnight Police Raided Picnics in a park and more action if I have anything to do with it.

More blogs I assume too.. if I have anything good to write.

Yea. From here on out, babe, you and me; we ain’t got nothing but time.

Quote of the day:
StephanieBrown: “I’m drawing fat, naked people this summer.”
Casey: “In other words, self portraits.”
-- what went down about a week ago in American History class