"Just pick one."
My mom gave me a list of stuff to get at the store, and I’m never one to turn down late-night shopping (Plus I needed anti-bacterial hand wipes anyway, I was fresh out) so I happily oblige.
I’m in line at the only open register, behind this woman with about a million different groceries, ready to check out, and out of the corner of my eye I see some guy in his early twenties step into queue. I want to look at him to see A. What he looks like, B. What he’s wearing, and C. What he’s buying because I’m curious, but I don’t out of fear that I will then have to talk to him and he’ll be entirely boring, then follow me out to my car and rape me.
I luck out because he starts commenting on the newspapers and gossip magazines put in front of the register, so I can look at him without feeling weird.
“Say it ain’t so!” he says as he flips through an Us Weekly, “Britney’s pregnant? Well, that’s it for her.”
I say nothing, his hair is too long.
He continues.
“You ever watch Desperate Housewives?” he asks me. I finally make eye contact with him and I now see he’s missing a tooth.
“No,” I answer truthfully.
“Don’t.” he says shaking his head. He would almost look like [the late great] Mitch Hedberg if he had teeth I decide. “Watch Arrested Development instead,” He advices me.
I’m in shock. People without teeth watch Arrested Development? And understand it? Really?
“I love that show,” I say and it’s now my turn to be rung up. Kristin begins scanning my chocolate milk, paper towels, and dog food among other items.
“It’s great watching a buncha dumb rich people.” He says to me. Ah, so he understands it on its most basic level. That answered my question. Then he says, “I’m John.”
“I’m Nicole,” I tell him, and then turn my back to him immediately after I speak. He might like Arrested Development, but he was also buying three giant packs of beer, a bag of beef jerky, and Kit Kats, and let’s not forget about that missing tooth.
When I’m done signing my father’s name to my receipt, I say a quick goodbye to John without really looking.
I’m then worried he’s gonna follow me out to my car, so tonight I have Robert, the biggest, blackest guy I can find who works at the store, escort me out.
The Safeway people who work the late shift know me since I’m in there forty times a week, hardly an exaggeration, and so Robert says to me, “You have a good one Miss Spah-Rer,” as he closes my car door. I felt important, although, he pronounced my name wrong.
Quote of the day:
Holden: "You're adorned in red, Ollie."
Ollie: "I thought this was brown!"
- Ollie in English today. And he meant it, he's color blind.
I’m in line at the only open register, behind this woman with about a million different groceries, ready to check out, and out of the corner of my eye I see some guy in his early twenties step into queue. I want to look at him to see A. What he looks like, B. What he’s wearing, and C. What he’s buying because I’m curious, but I don’t out of fear that I will then have to talk to him and he’ll be entirely boring, then follow me out to my car and rape me.
I luck out because he starts commenting on the newspapers and gossip magazines put in front of the register, so I can look at him without feeling weird.
“Say it ain’t so!” he says as he flips through an Us Weekly, “Britney’s pregnant? Well, that’s it for her.”
I say nothing, his hair is too long.
He continues.
“You ever watch Desperate Housewives?” he asks me. I finally make eye contact with him and I now see he’s missing a tooth.
“No,” I answer truthfully.
“Don’t.” he says shaking his head. He would almost look like [the late great] Mitch Hedberg if he had teeth I decide. “Watch Arrested Development instead,” He advices me.
I’m in shock. People without teeth watch Arrested Development? And understand it? Really?
“I love that show,” I say and it’s now my turn to be rung up. Kristin begins scanning my chocolate milk, paper towels, and dog food among other items.
“It’s great watching a buncha dumb rich people.” He says to me. Ah, so he understands it on its most basic level. That answered my question. Then he says, “I’m John.”
“I’m Nicole,” I tell him, and then turn my back to him immediately after I speak. He might like Arrested Development, but he was also buying three giant packs of beer, a bag of beef jerky, and Kit Kats, and let’s not forget about that missing tooth.
When I’m done signing my father’s name to my receipt, I say a quick goodbye to John without really looking.
I’m then worried he’s gonna follow me out to my car, so tonight I have Robert, the biggest, blackest guy I can find who works at the store, escort me out.
The Safeway people who work the late shift know me since I’m in there forty times a week, hardly an exaggeration, and so Robert says to me, “You have a good one Miss Spah-Rer,” as he closes my car door. I felt important, although, he pronounced my name wrong.
Quote of the day:
Holden: "You're adorned in red, Ollie."
Ollie: "I thought this was brown!"
- Ollie in English today. And he meant it, he's color blind.