"The war is over Anne Frank, let it go."
The night was still young when Sandeep called me, "It's Saturday night," he whines, and I feel the frustration in his voice. He hasn’t had a sip of alcohol in over four hours.
"It's between you and TiVoed Colbert tonight," I say, "Duke it out."
He ignores me, "See you in fifteen."
After some persuading ("It's late but, I guess I'll go.") Rachel decided to come with us to The Coffee Plantation: one of four places in Arizona that stays open past eight PM. There’s only one real problem with The Coffee Plantation though, the Emo kids, and last night they were out in full force. An army of side swept bangs and tight jeans, stationed outside the doors of Coffee Plantation to protect their Garden State soundtracks and vanilla lattes from people like my friends and myself who aim to destroy every fourteen year old androgyny who wears a Smiths shirt because it looks good.
“You guys, I can’t stay here with them,” Rachel says.
“I know, the emos give me the creeps,” I agree.
“I’m OK,” Sandeep says without looking at the two of us and I turn around and realize he’s staring at two women at the next table with plastic cones for breasts.
“Let’s go to Look Out Point!” Rachel offers, and we agree, the three of us were in the mood to go to a romantic area and not make out. Once we got there, we spent more time looking at the stars than the view. That’s when Rachel got her idea to go extreme. "You guys..." she said, "Let's go find a dark place and look at the stars." I know. Almost a little too extreme. Sandeep and I agreed, because we too are extreme people who do extreme things on Saturday nights in Arizona.
It took some driving, but we found a dark road that would be the perfect place to be raped and then strangled without a single soul knowing for months. No Trespassing the sign read in both English and Spanish at the beginning of the dirt road. "I dunno guys..." Rachel hesitated, stopping the car momentarily.
"No," I say from the back, "It's OK, because if the cops ask, we'll say we're French." That was enough for her. We went a little ways and then parked the car and the three of us climbed on the hood to observe the sky. It was all fun and games until…
"What was that?" Rachel sat up.
"What?" Sandeep almost doesn’t care. I'm jumpy at the best of times, and suddenly, I hear it too. A low rumble. I sit up, alarmed.
"It's nothing-" Sandeep says, and he tries to pull us back down.
"No, no! Shhhhhhhhh," Rachel and I shush him. The rumbling now sounds like a growl. In our heads, at least.
"OK, I heard it that time, too!" Sandeep sits up.
“Time to leave,” I jump off of the hood. “Let's pack it up, Jimmy." I say as I try to practically dive back into the car. We make it into the car just in time to realize it was a plane flying overhead.
"I really thought we were gonna die," I explain. The others say nothing, embarrassed, but I know they thought it, too.
Rachel then suggests just driving around Fountain Hills, her homeland, aimlessly, like a VW commercial. We feel safer inside the car, so we agree. At one point, we come to a road that warns us of dips. The posted speed is 35 mph, but we’re feeling extreme and no one is on this long, dark road, so Sandeep and I suggest to Rachel that she drive somewhere in the 70 MPH area. Rachel, resident badass, goes forty-five. As we pass a sign warning of animal crossings I laugh, “What if there’s a cow crossing and we can’t stop?” My two friends giggle, amused at the thought of running into a cow. Realizing that forty-five isn’t half as much fun as seventy-five, she kicks her car into gear and we go over a few dips when out of nowhere, a family of javelina appear.
“Oh, shit!” I probably said.
“Fuck!” Rachel screams, and manages to ‘lightly tap*’ the javelina as she tries to swerve out of the way. However, she over corrected her wheel and we went into a 360 spin. The tires screeched and the smell of burnt rubber wafted into our noses as the three of us screamed like little girls. We ended half in the dirt, half on the road, completely bewildered.
We’re silent for a moment as we collect ourselves, but I speak first.
“That was awesome!” I say, and mean it, excited by the adventure and the fact that we didn’t die. Sandeep finally releases his hands from the door handle and laughs.
Rachel is shaking, “Oh my God! Oh my God you guys!” I cannot tell if she is laughing or crying. The three of us embrace.
“No, seriously,” I say, “That was cool, but we should probably get on the right side of the road now.”
“Did you see the expression on that javelina’s face as you hit it?” Sandeep grinned, “That shit was hysterical!”
Ah, nothing like the smell of death to make you feel so ALIVE.
Quote of the Day:
Andrew: Did you kill the javelina?
Stefi: That's for Jesus to decide.
*Lightly tapped at 75 miles per hour.
"It's between you and TiVoed Colbert tonight," I say, "Duke it out."
He ignores me, "See you in fifteen."
After some persuading ("It's late but, I guess I'll go.") Rachel decided to come with us to The Coffee Plantation: one of four places in Arizona that stays open past eight PM. There’s only one real problem with The Coffee Plantation though, the Emo kids, and last night they were out in full force. An army of side swept bangs and tight jeans, stationed outside the doors of Coffee Plantation to protect their Garden State soundtracks and vanilla lattes from people like my friends and myself who aim to destroy every fourteen year old androgyny who wears a Smiths shirt because it looks good.
“You guys, I can’t stay here with them,” Rachel says.
“I know, the emos give me the creeps,” I agree.
“I’m OK,” Sandeep says without looking at the two of us and I turn around and realize he’s staring at two women at the next table with plastic cones for breasts.
“Let’s go to Look Out Point!” Rachel offers, and we agree, the three of us were in the mood to go to a romantic area and not make out. Once we got there, we spent more time looking at the stars than the view. That’s when Rachel got her idea to go extreme. "You guys..." she said, "Let's go find a dark place and look at the stars." I know. Almost a little too extreme. Sandeep and I agreed, because we too are extreme people who do extreme things on Saturday nights in Arizona.
It took some driving, but we found a dark road that would be the perfect place to be raped and then strangled without a single soul knowing for months. No Trespassing the sign read in both English and Spanish at the beginning of the dirt road. "I dunno guys..." Rachel hesitated, stopping the car momentarily.
"No," I say from the back, "It's OK, because if the cops ask, we'll say we're French." That was enough for her. We went a little ways and then parked the car and the three of us climbed on the hood to observe the sky. It was all fun and games until…
"What was that?" Rachel sat up.
"What?" Sandeep almost doesn’t care. I'm jumpy at the best of times, and suddenly, I hear it too. A low rumble. I sit up, alarmed.
"It's nothing-" Sandeep says, and he tries to pull us back down.
"No, no! Shhhhhhhhh," Rachel and I shush him. The rumbling now sounds like a growl. In our heads, at least.
"OK, I heard it that time, too!" Sandeep sits up.
“Time to leave,” I jump off of the hood. “Let's pack it up, Jimmy." I say as I try to practically dive back into the car. We make it into the car just in time to realize it was a plane flying overhead.
"I really thought we were gonna die," I explain. The others say nothing, embarrassed, but I know they thought it, too.
Rachel then suggests just driving around Fountain Hills, her homeland, aimlessly, like a VW commercial. We feel safer inside the car, so we agree. At one point, we come to a road that warns us of dips. The posted speed is 35 mph, but we’re feeling extreme and no one is on this long, dark road, so Sandeep and I suggest to Rachel that she drive somewhere in the 70 MPH area. Rachel, resident badass, goes forty-five. As we pass a sign warning of animal crossings I laugh, “What if there’s a cow crossing and we can’t stop?” My two friends giggle, amused at the thought of running into a cow. Realizing that forty-five isn’t half as much fun as seventy-five, she kicks her car into gear and we go over a few dips when out of nowhere, a family of javelina appear.
“Oh, shit!” I probably said.
“Fuck!” Rachel screams, and manages to ‘lightly tap*’ the javelina as she tries to swerve out of the way. However, she over corrected her wheel and we went into a 360 spin. The tires screeched and the smell of burnt rubber wafted into our noses as the three of us screamed like little girls. We ended half in the dirt, half on the road, completely bewildered.
We’re silent for a moment as we collect ourselves, but I speak first.
“That was awesome!” I say, and mean it, excited by the adventure and the fact that we didn’t die. Sandeep finally releases his hands from the door handle and laughs.
Rachel is shaking, “Oh my God! Oh my God you guys!” I cannot tell if she is laughing or crying. The three of us embrace.
“No, seriously,” I say, “That was cool, but we should probably get on the right side of the road now.”
“Did you see the expression on that javelina’s face as you hit it?” Sandeep grinned, “That shit was hysterical!”
Ah, nothing like the smell of death to make you feel so ALIVE.
Quote of the Day:
Andrew: Did you kill the javelina?
Stefi: That's for Jesus to decide.
*Lightly tapped at 75 miles per hour.